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'Tis the season to be jolly...

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  • 'Tis the season to be jolly...

    Did you know...............

    If you yelled for 8yrs, 7 months and 6 days you would have produced enough energy to heat one cup of coffee (is that worth it?)

    However.........

    If you farted consistently for 6yrs and 9 months, enough gas is produced to create the energy of an atomic bomb (of course, some people can do that with 5 seconds!)

    The human heart produces enough pressure to be able to squirt blood a distance of 30ft (yeeugh!)

    A pig's orgasm lasts for 30 minutes! (If there's reincarnation I want to come back as a pig!)

    A cockroach will live for up to 9 days without its head!

    The male praying mantis cannot copulate while its head is still attached to its body. The female initiates the process by ripping off the male's head.......(Honey, I'm home.........what the f.......!)

    The catfish has over 27,000 taste buds (what's so tasty at the bottom of a pond?)

    Some lions mate 50 times a day (hmm so it's quality v quantity)

    Butterflies "taste" with their feet (I thought everyone knew that!)

    The strongest muscle in the body is the tongue (hmmm.........)
    (Still can't get over the pig.....)

    Right handed people live, on average, 9 years longer than lefties (more discrimination, but if you're ambidextrous is it 4.5 years?)

    Elephants are the only animals that cannot jump (That's a good thing then, isn't it?)

    Humans are the only animals that have pets (yeah, you don't often see the giraffe taking his rhino for a walk)

    A cats urine glows in the dark under a black light (what's a black light?)

    An ostrich's eye is bigger than its brain (as indeed are some poker players)

    Starfish have no brains (as indeed some..........)

    Polar Bears are all left-handed (Live longer, switch to right-handed)

    Human beings and dolphins are the only species that have sex for pleasure (hang on, what about the pig?)


    So, is the human race clever enough to survive its own stupidity? Here are some consumer instructions............

    On a Sear's hairdryer....."Do NOT USE while sleeping" (now when can I do my hair?)

    On a bar of Dial soap......Directions: "Use like regular soap" (which is how?)

    On a Swanson frozen dinner.......Serving suggestion: "Defrost first"
    (or eat like an ice lolly?)

    On Tesco's tiramisu...."Do not turn upside down" (printed on the bottom....so, you hold it up in the air and I'll read what it says.....)

    On a Mark's and Spencer pudding....."Product might be hot after heating" (Might be?)

    Instructions on a Rowenta steam iron........"Do not iron clothes on body" (what about those wrinkles though?)

    On Nytol sleep aid..."Warning: may cause drowsiness" (oh good, so that'll help the insomnia...?)

    On a Japanese food processor...."Not to be used for the other use" (I need some help here....now I'm really curious)

    On Sainsbury's peanuts......"Warning: contains nuts" (as opposed to...?)

    On a child's Superman costume..."Warning: wearing this costume does not enable you to fly" (OK, 'fess up, who tried??)

    On a Swedish chainsaw....."Do not attempt to stop this saw with your hands or *******s!" (Now that's gonna smart..!)

    I hope this made you smile as it did me :lol: :lol: :lol:

  • #2
    If you farted consistently for 6yrs and 9 months, enough gas is produced to create the energy of an atomic bomb (of course, some people can do that with 5 seconds!)
    my gf says 5??!!?!?! Try 2.5


    On a child's Superman costume..."Warning: wearing this costume does not enable you to fly" (OK, 'fess up, who tried??)
    oooops ops: ops: ops: ops: ops: ops:

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    • #3
      I CAN'T STOP LAUGHING!!!

      :h:
      sZ

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      • #4
        Polar bears have hands??

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        • #5
          Does it count if you were born in the Year of the Pig?

          Actually forget the pigs, what about them lions!!

          A cockroach will live for up to 9 days without its head
          (This explains Cockroach's play the last nine days :lol: and when will he actually keel over so I don't have to worry about him at the tables anymore? 8O )

          The male praying mantis cannot copulate while its head is still attached to its body.
          Considering that the head/brain seems an unnecessary appendage in the male human species, I don't find this unusual at all.... :twisted: :twisted:

          Thanks Joe for the great laugh!! (and no offense 8) )

          Comment


          • #6
            gatorhb said:
            Quote:
            A cockroach will live for up to 9 days without its head
            (This explains Cockroach's play the last nine days and when will he actually keel over so I don't have to worry about him at the tables anymore? )
            Damn.....beaten to the punch.....

            Of course, this would explain why after I "slice his head off" early in a tournament, get moved to another table, play til we finally get considated to the final table and....HE IS THERE!!!!!

            Oh, and hb.....the Lions got Sting to loan them one of his Tantric sex books....lmao

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