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Poker Humour

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  • Poker Humour

    I wanna hear some poker related jokes here's one :L -

    After I won at poker last night, a mate asked, "How come you're so lucky at cards yet so unlucky at the horses?"

    "I don't get to shuffle the horses."

  • #2
    re post

    This man comes home late one night straight from a poker game only to find his revolting wife waiting for him.
    "Where in gods name have you been?" she screamed.
    "Well dear you'll have to pack all of your things," he said. "I have just lost you in a game of cards."
    "How the hell did you ever manage to do that?"
    "It wasn't that easy, dear. I had to fold with a royal flush."

    This guy was sitting peacefully and reading a paper when suddenly his wife walked up from behind him and hits him on the back of the head with a magazine.
    "Why in gods name did you do that for?" he asked.
    She shouted, "I heard you talking on the phone with your poker buddies, about how great Lisa and Gina were the other night!"
    The husband giggled as he explains to his wife: "a couple weeks ago I won a real huge pot in poker, thanks to two pocket Queens. I than decided to call them Lisa and Gina!"
    "Oh sweetie, I'm so sorry," she said. "I really should have known that there was a good explanation."
    A week later as the unsuspecting husband is watching a ball game on the television, again his wife walks up to him and hits him in the hard on the back of the head, this time she uses an iron frying pen, which knocked him senseless.
    When eventually woke up he asked his wife, surprised, "What in gods name did you do that for?"
    She quietly replied..........."Your pair of pocket queens just called."


    • #3
      haha love it!


      • #4
        From the twisted comic genius mind of Steven Wright...

        "I was playing poker the other night with a deck of Tarot cards. I got a full house and four people died."


        • #5
          Omaha Explained

          What you do is get four cards. Does not matter much what they are because nobody really looks at them anyway. Next, they put three cards on the board. It does not matter what they are because nobody really pays any attention to the flop either. Then the dealer flips one more card for the turn and another one for the river. It is the same betting scenario as before. Does not really matter much what they are, except, for a few of the players that may have "cheated" and looked at their hole cards. These players may now fold if they have absolutely no outs. (Mostly bad sports) Now, at the showdown, everybody turns over their cards and helps the dealer figure out who has the best hand. You MUST play two cards out of your hand so this usually takes a while and the winning hand is usually found after a little bit of searching by all of the players and a partially confused dealer. The dealer now pushes the pot to the wrong player and everybody yells at him and he smiles glibly and says, "Oh yeah, sorry" and then sends it in the right direction. Then, after all of that excitement dies down, everybody lets out a collective sigh of relief and gets ready to wind up and do it all over again…fun game.
          "A weak player may be a nit but a nit is not necessarily a weak player"



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