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Poker Jokes - Win a School Pass ticket!

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  • Poker Jokes - Win a School Pass ticket!

    To win at poker it helps to be smart, however even when I wore my tuxedo I still lost.

    Ok, ok, it's corny but can you do better?

    Post your favorite poker joke below and you could win a 'School Pass' ticket. Winning entries will be credited with their ticket on Friday, February 13th.

    Go on, give us a giggle!

  • #2
    Daniel Negreanu's hair line.


    • #3
      Originally posted by bhoylegend View Post
      Daniel Negreanu's hair line.
      Haha, now that is funny, you should get 10 School Pass tickets for that one Bhoy!

      Sent using TapaTalk 2.
      Online Poker League
      Can you win the leaderboard?


      • #4
        Two Squirrels whom were vicious rivals were heavily engaged in another heads up battle on the felt.
        The long match finally ended in a cruel allin....the losing squirrel holding the second nutz.
        Infuriated, the losing squirrel chirped "Don't go anywhere...I'll be back!!, I'm just opening the Cashew tab to make a deposit"
        Triple Bracelet Winner


        • #5
          I read this somewhere, " There are TWO secrets to success at Poker. Rule #1: Never tell your secrets."


          • #6
            New guy at the table asks why my friend keeps calling me Donkey? I replied, Hehaw He haw, he always calls me that.

            Online Poker League
            Can you win the leaderboard?


            • #7
              A couple were invited to a swanky family masked fancy dress Halloween party.

              The wife got a terrible headache and told her husband to go to the party alone. He, being a devoted husband, protested, but she argued and said she was going to take some aspirin and go to bed and there was no need for his good time to be spoiled by not going.

              So he took his costume and away he went.

              The wife, after sleeping soundly for about an hour, woke without pain and as it was still early decided go to the party. As her husband didn't know what her costume was, she thought she would have some fun by watching her husband to see how he acted when she was not with him.

              So she joined the party and soon spotted her husband in his costume, cavorting around on the dance floor, dancing with every nice "chick" he could and copping a little feel here and a little kiss there.

              His wife went up to him and being a rather seductive babe herself, he left his new partner high and dry and devoted his time to her. She let him go as far as he wished, naturally, since he was her husband.

              After more drinks he finally whispered a little proposition in her ear and she agreed, so off they went to one of the cars and had passionate intercourse in the back seat. Just before unmasking at midnight she slipped away, went home, put the costume away and got into bed, wondering what kind of explanation he would make up for his outrageous behavior.

              She was sitting up reading when he came in, so she asked what kind of time he had. "Oh, the same old thing. You know I never have a good time when you're not there."

              Then she asked, "Did you dance much?"

              He replied, "I'll tell you, I never even danced one dance. When I got there, I met Pete, Bill Brown and some other guys, so we went into the spare room and played poker all evening."

              "You must have looked really silly wearing that costume playing poker all night!" she said with unashamed sarcasm.

              To which the husband replied, "Actually, I gave my costume to your Dad. Apparently he had the time of his life."


              • #8
                I couldn't hit a river if I fell out of the boat.


                • #9
                  A husband comes slinking home at 5AM one night/morning. His wife is up and waiting for him.

                  "Where have you been all night?!" she demands.

                  "Honey," he says,"I have bad news. Last night I lost you in a poker game."

                  "How the Hell could you lose me in a poker game?!" she exclaims.

                  "It wasn't easy.",says he,"I had to fold quads 3 times and 2 straight flushes as well".


                  • #10
                    Former England rugby player Mike Tindall plays Head's-Up in the #SharkCage vs a seasoned professional poker player and just missed out on £1,000,000 then...

                    Gets beat again Head's-Up on #TheJump by Joey Essex a reality TV star - in an all winter sports event. If there is ever a bad beat story! Well he married the Queen's grand daughter so some run good on the way.


                    • #11
                      A guy walks into a bar and see's a poker game at the far table. A dog is sitting at the table. He walks closer and sees cards and chips in front of the dog. Then the next hand is dealt and cards are dealt to the dog. Then the dog acts in turn with all the other players, calling, raising, discarding, everything the human players were doing. But none of the other players seemed to pay attention to the fact that they were playing with a dog, they just treated him like any other player. Finally the man couldn't stand it, so between hands he quietly said to one of the players, "I can't believe that dog is playing poker, he must be the smartest dog in the world!" The player smiled and said, "He isn't that smart, every time he gets a good hand he wags his tail."


                      • #12
                        What is the difference between a prayer in church and a prayer at the poker table?

                        At the poker table you really mean it.


                        • #13
                          Originally posted by powerdegre View Post
                          What is the difference between a prayer in church and a prayer at the poker table?

                          At the poker table you really mean it.

                          John (JWK24)

                          6 Time Bracelet Winner

                          Online Poker League
                          Can you win the leaderboard?


                          • #14
                            2 guys are at the Friday night poker game, when Daniel takes a bad beat. Trip aces lose to a 24off straight.

                            Phil seated next to him says” when I get a bad beat, I go home , have sex with my wife and you know I forget about the bad beat and play much better.
                            Daniel says thanks but leaves right away.
                            Next Friday Phil see's Daniel again and asks him “ Well did you take my advice “?
                            Daniel says “ Ya I did , seems it didn't help, but you have a nice house”


                            • #15
                              Staked For A Freeroll:

                              Two couples were playing poker one evening. John accidentally dropped some cards on the floor. When he bent down to pick them up, he noticed Bill's wife, Sue, wasn't wearing any underwear under her dress.

                              Shocked by this, John upon trying to sit back up again, hit his head on the table and emerged red-faced.

                              Later, John went to the kitchen to get some refreshments. Bill's wife followed and asked, "Did you see anything that you liked under there?"

                              Surprised by her boldness, John courageously admitted that, well indeed, he did. She said, "Well, you can have it but it will cost you $500." After taking a minute or two to assess the financial and moral costs of this offer, John confirmed that he was interested. She told him that since her husband, Bill, works Friday afternoons and John doesn't, John should be at her house around 2pm Friday.

                              When Friday rolled around, and after paying Sue the agreed sum of $500, they went to the bedroom and closed their transaction, as agreed. John quickly dressed and left.

                              As usual, Bill came home from work at 6pm and upon entering the house, asked his wife abruptly, "Did John come by the house this afternoon?"

                              With a lump in her throat, Sue answered, "Why yes, he did stop by for a few minutes this afternoon."

                              Her heart nearly skipped a beat when her husband curtly asked, "And did he give you $500?"

                              In terror she assumed that somehow he had found out and after mustering her best poker face, replied, "Well, yes in fact he did give me $500."

                              Bill, with a satisfied look on his face, surprised his wife by saying, "Good, I was hoping he did. John came by my office this morning and borrowed $500 from me. He promised me he'd stop by our house this afternoon on his way home and pay me back."
                              5 Time Bracelet Winner



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