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Tunica - One More Time

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  • Tunica - One More Time

    The 10+ hour drive to Tunica never seems that long, as I am looking forward to catching up with my PSO buddies.

    I was arriving before most of the PSO crowd to play in the media event, so I wasn’t sure who I would see when I made it downstairs after checking in on the 4th. Well the first person I see is Denny Jones, one of the tourney officials, who yells out to me across the lobby, "Hey Amy, I still have your underpants in my drawer." Ten minutes in Tunica and I'm already feeling the love. I take about five more steps and bump square into Ranger Rick. Before too long we bump into Buschman. And there are also rumors of zeroth's late night arrival. And so it begins.

    Media Event:
    I'm glad they re-instituted the media charity event. It's a great time to bond with other media wonks and they give out cool free stuff. But you have to realize, sitting down to the event, that many have never played poker and it’s likely to be a free-for-all. I had a fun table with not one, but two, of the former editors of All-In Magazine. You have to wonder about a magazine that has had as many editors as issues. With only 4X the BB left, I push in with QQ and get called down with an ace rag, who hits his ace, and I'm out. But I have made some nice contacts and got free stuff so I am happy.

    As the WPO starts in earnest, it is pretty obvious, and somewhat ironic, that it will be almost impossible to actually play poker. The $500 NLHE registration line is about 7 hours long, meaning the vast majority of players will wait in line far longer than they will get to play – that is if they actually make the cut-off. Seating maximum capacity in the $500 events mean shutting down both side action and satellites. But PSOers are an enterprising bunch, so we use the time to drink, swap stories, and play silly table games.

    Televised Doe:
    I spend the better part of one early afternoon drinking at the bar, easily influenced by the "Z" boys (Zipman and Zeroth) and Debonair. [At the bottom of this thread I promise to divulge some of the best quotes from this drunken exchange.] But while they head on to more constructive ventures, I head over to the Gold Strike ballroom to continue my imbibing and to locate a sober driver (not an easy task) to pick up wildbill at the airport. On my umpteenth trip to the bar, Nolan Dalla who is saying something like "She’s perfect for this" grabs me by the arm. The next thing I know, I'm in front of a TV camera, with a microphone stuck in my face and a reporter asking me questions. Uh…I'm really drunk. The piece aired many times the next day, as many people said they saw me on the Memphis news. I avoid the TV like the plague, not really wanting to know what flowed out of my yap. Since the FCC hasn’t fined me, I have to believe I didn't swear or suffer a wardrobe malfunction – or they had skilled editors at the station.

    Official PSO Business:
    I had a great time meeting and greeting at the PSO seminar. Barry T was, as always, perfection. And I want to thank the panelists for their participation. Nolan Dalla sought me out afterwards to say that he particularly loved the panel and would have been happy for another hour of it – really enjoying some of the interaction and debate that was starting to come forth. Great job guys.

    On the bubble at the PSO tourney I announced to my table that I WOULD NOT BUBBLE in this event. I hadn't really gotten many cards during the tournament and had to seriously semi-bluff and catch one major suckout to make it that far. I also had a fun first table - Siberianex, liebe and I had more than our fair share of grins. And once Hitman went out on a bad beat, I knew my blinds were all the safer because of it. I managed to be good to my word, and crawled into the money. Congrats to Bhat for the victory – and to all the PSOers who played a great event.

    The Grand Finale was both great – and painful – to watch. I knew many of the qualifiers and had so much respect for their games that it was almost impossible not to route for everyone. And along the same vein I felt that anyone that emerged as the winner would be a great PSO representative at the Bellagio. Congrats again to Kaelaine.

    Best Of's:

    Best PSO Introduction:

    I'm standing with a bunch of PSOers drinking outside the tournament room (shocker there), when I hear some guy say, "Honey, doesn’t this lady have a great rack?" while pointing to me. I look over at this couple, who I don't recognize. I am confused, but I stutter out a "um…thanks." But of course by this time the wife is giggling uncontrollably and I realize that I have just met the Big "Cooler than Cool" Sissies.

    Best Unfinished Sentence:

    At the bar with the Z-boys and Debonair, I constantly have to pull out my notebook to write down the great one liners that are spewing forth. Seeing my need to record, zipman (slightly impaired) has a suggestion, but has trouble completing it. He says, "You need a dic…you need a dic…you need a dic…" We all have tears in our eyes by the time I admit that "sometimes a dic does come in handy. And a dictaphone wouldn’t hurt either."

    Best (and strangest) Ladies Room Experience:

    My last woman-on-woman Tunica experience took place at the Gold Strike bar (see MAPC trip report). But I soon learned the setting for the sequel was to take place in the Gold Strike ladies room. One morning I go into the ladies room and a casino employee is standing by the sinks. When I emerge from taking care of my needs, she is still there, holding a paper towel for me. Now I have spent four years of tourneys in that ladies room, and there was never an attendant there before. I thank her. She asks if I am playing or dealing. I say that I am planning on playing. She says, "Really? You come here and let me give you a big hug for luck.” She’s a big strong gal, and the embrace crushes me against her such that our boobs are spilling out the sides. She holds me tight for 10 seconds…for 20 seconds…for 30 seconds…hmmm. At 45 seconds she starts rocking me like a baby. After what I truly believe is minutes, the surreal encounter terminates. I stumble blindly out of the bathroom. I never saw her again – and I never saw an attendant working the room after that. I began to wonder if something supernatural was at play.

    Best Interjection:

    Later in the Z-boy/Debonair drinkfest, zeroth states, “Oh that reminds me, I have a great instant erection story.” The story was indeed memorable, but the lead-in was priceless. I will let zeroth divulge the details.

    Best Poker TV Series Idea:

    It seems every network is trying to cash in on poker, but during the drunken satellites in CC[bunch of numbers] room, I was hit with a winning TV series idea: “Azhardballz’ Drunken Home Game.” It would involve drinking, burping, farting (which means zipman would be a regular) and really really bad jokes told over and over again each time followed by a verbal pocketrocket drum fill, until they bordered funny. A few unsuspecting guests would be included in the lineup each week as straight foils for our drunken stars.

    Best Embarrassed Dealer Story:

    PSOers have many jobs during a PSO convention, the least of which is to horrify and or amuse the casino staff. In a totally ridiculous 3 Card Poker event, where tko has informed the table that he was a professional 3 Card Poker player, who regularly plays the 3 Card Poker Professional Tour, we had all the necessary ingredients. Tko informs the dealer he is 'all-in." The dealer looks over and says, "oh I didn’t notice." At which point wildbill, without missing a beat, says "Don't worry. You're not the first woman not to notice when Tim was all-in." She laughs so hard that tears flood her eyes. She gives me a high five, which I interpret to mean that she knows that all women have "been there and done that." She has to call over the pit boss to bring her tissues to dry her eyes before she can deal again. Mission accomplished.

    Best Ring Games:

    Both PSOers and dealers agree that the best ring games were the two PSO tables of $4/8 at the 'Shoe one night. At one table, zipman was not only getting people to live straddle, but to cap blind. At the other table, the Tims (zeroth and tko) were playing tag team tandem poker. Each hand they had to decide if they were "loose Tims" or "tight Tims." The suckouts were extreme. The dealer tokes were record breaking. The cocktail waitress was breaking a sweat. It doesn't get much better than that.

    I'm sure there is more. But so far this is all my tired mind can remember.

  • #2
    The cool wife and I had a blast trying to imagine doe's face as she was caught in that surreal bear hug.

    There was no attendant - and no urinals - when I mistakenly stumbled into that restroom.

    Big "my cheeks hurt" Sissy



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