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C.H.A.P.S Part Deux

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  • C.H.A.P.S Part Deux

    [Very very long]

    It was a full, but pleasant flight to Chicago. I find my way to the hotel shuttle bus stop, only to discover it is a beautiful sunny spring day in Chi-town. A bum asks me for a cigarette. I give him a few, but fail to find a lighter. He lights us and gives me the lighter. We both appear to be happy with the transaction. But I think this has put me up for the trip.

    I think I see the hotel bus coming – but no – it's Large Marge. She proceeds to complain about every passenger on her flight by seat number. She gets all the way to row 13 seat D when at last the bus arrives. We get to the hotel and start to check in when the pleasant desk clerk informs us that our room is not quite ready. I see the smoke start to waft from Large Marge's ears. Instinct makes me back up before she blows – I've seen her shrapnel take out whole villages. But before she has a chance, the desk clerk suggests we go to the bar and the hotel will pick up the tab. He must know that by doing this he is undoubtedly losing the profit margin on our room, but he is smart enough to realize this is a life or death situation. And I take note that this will put me further ahead for the trip.

    After many beers, we get up to the room. I immediately call Wildbill, who vows to pick me up at 6:00pm for the drink-a-thon. At 5:00pm some of the other trustees stop by. The conversation is fascinating – mostly centering on mandatory IRA withdrawals at age 70 ½ (which is the average age of the trustees). At 5:30 the phone rings. It's Wildbill. He has come early – something he confesses happens often.

    Free at last! Free at last! Thank God Almighty, I am free at last:
    I bolt out of the hotel. As there were many documented ritual greetings during the PSO convention, Wildbill has taken it upon himself to try out a new greeting. I explain to him that while this might be a new greeting to him, we call it doggie style in Texas. I do think, however, that the greeting may have been what first alerted hotel security to the idea that I may be a "problem" guest. I honestly don't remember the chandelier swinging, as Wildbill has documented in his trip report, but I still had a pretty good buzz going from the comp'ed beers.

    We tackle rush hour traffic on our way to pick up Hukilau. Bill's got some nice tunes cranking and the sun is shining. We find ourselves strolling down PSO memory lane. We hark back to the time when the General Forum was full of fun, creative, and humorous posts – or as we put it "back when the forum was fun." We both vow to try to be "fun" posters to see if we can take it back to its roots.

    When we get close to Huk's hotel, I use Bill’s cell phone. I have never met Huk and am anxious to make a good impression. But not too good as I know gatorhb and fear her wrath. He answers the phone and in my best Monroe I gush, "I’m almost there. Are you ready for me?" He stammers. Excellent.

    My first live words to Huk are "Well, are you and Maggie still having wild monkey sex?" He is surprised that I remember the forum post, which is about a year and a half old, when he and gatorhb met up at the 2002 World Poker Finals. Both Wildbill and I sigh in unison, "Back when the forum was fun."

    We get to our destination – a great neighborhood bar. Debonair and clan are already waiting for us. Debonair, Huk, Bill and I grab a table. Debonair's wife, daughter and son-in-law initially stay at a safe distance. The beer and conversation starts to free flow. I notice that Huk and I are playing the same tactic – letting Wildbill and Debonair out-drink us. We both know tomorrow night's tourney is going to be a tough one and we'd both be better off if the Bills were slightly impaired.

    We get the PSO gossip out of the way – and then start in on poker philosophy. Debonair and I play much better online than we do live. Huk and Wildbill are the opposite. We develop a few working theories on why that is the case. From there we move on to another theory that Debonair and I coin the Psychological Bankroll Barrier…the inability to move up to a higher limit that may jeopardize your dedicated poker bankroll, even when bankroll is not necessarily a financial issue, i.e. .you have plenty of outside resources. Both Debonair and I have developed a real comfort level around 4/8 and feel that these are "our people." It is just about here that Debonair and I figure out that we were twins separated at birth (and yes we were pretty toasted at this point.) It is also around this time that I discover that Debonair has the softest hands imaginable. He is even known as "softy paws." We discuss the pending tournament. Everyone acknowledges the tough field – there is going to be a definite dearth of aquatic life. I call the bubble. I want it known up front that the bubble is my turf. At this point, Debonair's daughter and son-in-law join us. And under our care, they go from a happily married couple to the brink of divorce, as we successfully corrupt the young lad. It won't be long before he is a PSOer. Our work here is done and it’s time to depart as Huk and I have work in the morning – and the Bills have hangovers to nurse. But on the way home – all I can think about is Debonair's hands. Hmmmm.

    I'm excited to see the room lights are off, and think Large Marge might be asleep. But no. I try desperately to sleep as she spends the next two hours discussing the difference between totally restricted and partially restricted funds for non-profits according to the Financial Accounting Standards Board. I eventually pass out from boredom.

    We are on a Mission From God:
    The day trickles by oh-so slowly. When my meeting is over I run up to the room and the phone is ringing as I enter. He's baaack. I pee and attempt minor surgery on a zit – and careen out of the hotel. I see that there are two people in the car – and I swear – for just a moment – maybe it was a slight hangover – or the glare of the sun – but they looked like Joliet Jake and Ellwood from the Blues Brothers. And then it hits me. It is no coincidence that the tournament is in Joliet. We are indeed on a mission from God. Suddenly, a powerful winning force surrounds me.

    Joliet Jake turns out to be none other than Skipm. Skip is an accountant, which doesn’t sound to exciting until you find out that he works for George Steinbrenner. Now that must be a wild ride. We collect the remaining member of our band – Huk – and we're off in earnest. We tell stories to pass the time. Wilbill talks about growing up in Arkansas – this seems to have involved a lot of young boys in the woods with firearms. I try not to visualize. Huk talks about his life on the road as a poker player. But this too takes a weird turn as there is some mention about driving down the road in a motor home while dancing naked to loud music. I know these stories will come back to haunt me in my dreams. After a quick stop for beer, we arrive at the Muzzeys.

    And I Know I Need to Change My Ways of Living…How Far is Heaven?
    Walking into Muzzeys garage is like walking through the pearly gates. Picture heaven as three pristine tables, a room full of PSOers, and a cooler full of beer. Does it get any better than that? Not in my lifetime.

    I look around the room. It looks like Tunica at 2:00am
    My companions tonight are none other than jmuzzey (Jason), muzzeyj (Jen), vorrin (Marc), Idoru99 (Mike), 2Hott4u (Sonya), HarddTimezz (Steve), OffGoin (Bob), Stricky(Debbie), gameofgames (Gerrold), zeroth (Tim), Sailor Moe (Leon), Debonair (Bill), Hukilau (John), Wildbill(Bill), Skipm (Skip) and three non-PSOers; Debonair’s now corrupted son-in-law Jeff (who is considering geek as his PSO name), Keith (a friend of Offgoin) and Brant (also a soon to be corrupt PSOer).

    People are straggling in. So we grab some beers and do what we do best – talk poker. Zeroth tells some great tales from Reno and I am one happy camper. All of a sudden someone bursts into the room and the volume kicks up a few notches. Stricky has arrived. I have been looking forward to meeting Stricky – and I can see I’m not going to disappointed. Like the line in Bull Durham, she announces her presence with authority. I am only slightly disappointed, however, that I must now give up my thrown as loudest woman in the room.

    We draw for seats. I look around the room and I can see there is not going to be an easy table. I end up with Hukilau to my left – which is definitely not where I want him. I also have Sailor Moe whose mid-position raising should insure I see no cheap blinds. But I do avoid the table with both Muzzeys and Wildbill – so there is something to be thankful for. I have decided – solidified by Friday night’s discussion - to play more aggressively tonight. As John Vorhaus puts it, I am going "go big or go home." There is no way to survive this crowd without pushing – or pushing back. We are starting with 3000T and 20 minute blinds starting at 25/50. This is going to be a nice structure

    Shuffle up and Deal:
    Vorrin definitely captured the night in a nutshell when he said that if the Travel Channel filmed the event, they'd have 5 hours tape – and five minutes of usable footage after it was edited for home viewing. Just as we’re about to start, Stricky shrieks loudly, "He called me a dwarf. Crap. He called me a dwarf." I look over to see zeroth towering over her. I can’t decide if she is freakishly short, or he is freakishly large – but together they are indeed freakish. A circus act is born.

    My table is relatively tame as I overhear the next table already raising to 200T and getting their first all-in bet soon after we begin. At our table, Sailor Moe, as anticipated, is the early aggressor and takes advantage of our tighter play. I fold and fold – and know I need to start to push early. With no callers, I raise KQo in the cutoff and get the blinds. No callers again and my button hand is KJo – I would have raised this if I hadn't just raised – so I limp. The BB and I check it down and I win with K high.

    I hear Sonya cry out in pain at the next table, "Oh crap, Jay just limped on me." There is nothing more fearsome than the jmuzzey limp – I feel her pain. I don't see too many playable hands – and Sailor Moe is building up quite a stack already. I've noticed that while he mostly raises – especially from mid-position, he will limp occassionally. I’ve seen him muck most of his limpers on the flop. I suspect he is playing the occasional suited connector. A $50 bounty is announced for Wildbill's head (thanks vorrin). He is not happy.

    I hear someone tell someone at the next table "You are small," obviously looking for a small blind. The player quickly snaps back, "How would you know." This inspires our table to announce the small blind position with "I’m small – but I’m proud."

    We break after the first hour and have only lost one player, offgoing, who you won't see at too many PSO NLHE tables as he is mostly a stud player. I am a little under my starting chip count – but not by much. Hukilau has taken a few beats and is anxious to kick it up a notch after the break.

    Gerrold has brought some incredible Chicago pizza. This is pizza to die for. Texas has a lot of great food – but they definitely lack the mob connections for good pizza ingredients. I am in my glory.

    Soon after the break I find KK in mid/late position. Sailor Moe limps. I raise about 4x pot. Everyone folds – and Moe declares "all-in." He has almost my stack and I call. Moe has set me up nicely and shows AA. But for some reason, I am calm. It is my birthday. I am on a mission from God. And a powerful winning force surrounds me. I flop my 2 outer and double up with a set of kings. Two hands later I scare out a number of limpers with a huge raise with AA – which I don't show.

    It is about now that Hukilau plays, what I feel, is the best series of the tournament. He raises all-in in fairly early position with about 950T. No callers. The very next hand he goes all-in again. Sensing a trend, vorrin calls him. Hukilau shows QQ to vorrin’s suited AJ. No ace comes and Huk doubles through. I look at Huk and say I think he set that up nicely. He confesses his first all-in was A2. Knowing that he would likely get no callers on one all-in, he hoped to set up a subsequent monster with the likelihood that the monster would find a sheriff to call him. He was just fortunate it happened to be the very next hand. Two hands later, Huk is all-in again. His 88 vs vorrin’s AK. The 8s hold. Huk goes from short stack to sitting pretty in four hands.

    I find myself in an unusual position. I am NOT short stacked. And I am feeling very comfortable using my stack to intimidate the table. I choose my opportunities, but am finding little resistance to even a minimum raise. I have defended most of my blinds like a lioness defends her cubs. I am in the zone.

    Wildbill, however, is having a tougher time at the other table. The bounty has not helped him. At one point I hear him say, "It was almost good enough. Which is something I hear from my dates quite often." He has his aces snapped by jacks – and his death is imminent.

    Hukilau and I make a brilliant read – and we are of course wrong:
    Skipm limps in early position. There are no other callers when I find 44 in the small blind and call. Hukilau checks. The flop is Axx with two diamonds. Checked around. The turn brings a rag diamond. It is this point that both Huk and I see Skipm re-check his hand. To me this is a definite tell. If he had two diamonds, he might have looked at his hand on the flop – but by the turn he knows he is waiting for the diamond – no need to look. Most people who look at their hand with a three flush board are checking to see if they have one high diamond in case the board four flushes. I think about betting out. But I have Huk between us. I check. Hukilau makes a pretty big bet. Skip thinks a moment – and comes over the top. I fold and Huk thinks about it and lays down. At the next break, Skipm confesses to the nut flush. So much for our read.

    I make a nature stop, but I take note that I don’t see Wildbill as I make my way to the bathroom. Before I pull down my pants, I check behind the shower curtain. O.K., so no one was there. But I still think it was worth a look.

    We get down to the final table. Keith has built up a substantial lead. I don't recall how it all went down, although I remember Debonair goes out on the small blind with trips to Keith’s straight holding a 62o. We’re down to six players. Keith, Hukilau, Idoura99, Skipm, Sonya, and I. Sonya is gone and we're down to five – paying 4. My call for the bubble looks shaky as I have about Skipm’s stack and have a very slight advantage over Idoru. I ask for a time check. It’s after midnight. The birthday magic is gone.

    I confess I have been pushing Skipm around a little. Although he is a great online player, this is his first live tournament and I have used every opportunity to take advantage of that fact. In one hand I raise his blind with AT and he flat calls. The flop is Qxx. He checks and I bet the minimum. The turn brings a K. He checks – and I give him a look that says "ah that's my card" and fire my (minimum) bet with authority. He folds. Debonair looks at me and says, "What the hell was that." OK, so not everyone was fooled.

    It's Skipm’s blind again and I have 66 in mid-position. I raise the minimum. He has either folded or flat called my raises so far. It gets around to him and he thinks. He is the short stack. He re-raises all-in. I have about his stack. I think (but obviously not long enough) that he is short stacked enough to make an aggressive move with AQ/AK. I think some more (but obviously not long enough) and call, anxious for another player to bust I am willing to see a coin flip. Well it was a pretty ugly coin as he shows JJ. I become the short stack and soon claim the coveted bubble. I miss the action (while catching a post tourney smoke) when Idoru claims fourth and Huk locks in third. Skipm tries to negotiate a deal – but Keith has him vastly out-chipped and declines. Within minutes of the deal gone nowhere, Skip wins two back-to-back hands to take it down. No offense to Keith, but we all glad to see a PSOer prevail – and as this was Skipm's first live tourney he was tickled. We also note that we had half the car in the money.

    Everything about the night had been perfect. In my book, the Muzzeys should be put in charge of all future B&M PSO tourneys. But it was well past 1:00am and I had to work in the morning. So we reluctantly bid farewell to the C.H.A.P.S, now playing a satellite. I loved seeing my PSO buddies again – and it was great to finally meet gameofgames, offgoin, vorrin and stricky. I also very much look forward to Brant and Jeff officially joining the PSO fold. And the memory of Debonair's hands will be with me always.

    We drop off Huk. It was totally cool to finally meet Huk – and I feel very sure that we will meet up again at a B&M felt sometime soon. When we pull up to my hotel, there are eight state police cars waiting. With my family's criminal record, we tend to avoid the law when given the choice. But of course Bill pulls right into the thick of them. As he gets out of the car, he tells the cop waiting outside that they must have known I was coming. With that introduction, I walk into the lobby to be swarmed by ten cops in full battle gear. They look confused, however, and I suspect they are really after Wildbill. Bill has successfully thrown them off his trail – and Jake and Ellwood make their escape.

    It is close to 3:00am. Large Marge is snoring as I make my way to bed – and that's about as quiet as she gets.

  • #2
    Great Report!!!!!!!!!!

    Where are the increminating photos/pictures


    • #3
      thank you amy for such a great report!!!!!!!!!!!


      • #4
        Gee whiz. Back when the forum was fun, I used to console myself by thinking "Despite the fact that Amy is a much better writer, at least I am funnier" Now I guess I have to settle for being taller. I am taller than her by golly.

        I was sort of hoping that the cops were there for Large Marge.



        • #5
          Amy girl, you have outdone yourself. I have only one question.

          If a hand falls in the forest and no one is there to be touched by it..............

          was it really soft?

          Keep dreamin bout dem hands.


          • #6
            Where are the increminating photos/pictures
            Well against our better judgement, a camera made it into the room. I think we left Huk in charge. Now that I'm sober, I question the entire media thing.

            thank you amy for such a great report!!!!!!!!!!!
            No Jay. Thank you. You guys rock!

            Despite the fact that Amy is a much better writer, at least I am funnier" Now I guess I have to settle for being taller.
            You are taller and funnier. We both know I stole that doggie style line from you. You just did me the honors of setting up my material.

            I was sort of hoping that the cops were there for Large Marge.
            Well it wouldn't be the first time. I just wish they'd find a charge that would stick.

            Keep dreamin bout dem hands.
            I just can't believe it. A baby's hands right out of the womb aren't that soft. I have to confess...this has become a full blown obsession.


            • #7
              Amy -

              Thanks so much for the awsome report. You had me in tears! Congrats on a great tourney.

              I also thought Huk's play from being the short stack position was a thing of beauty. I'm just happy I had you on my right for most of the evening Huk.

              Jay and Jen - It was great tourney and a ton of fun. I can't wait for the next one!

              Skipm - Congrats on a great tourney! Awsome job!

              To all the other C.H.A.P.S. members - it was great meeting a few of you for the first time and even better seeing the rest of you degenerates again!

              Let me know when you begin planning the next one!


              ps to Sonya - Next time I'll lock the bathroom door. Just keep in mind the Muzzy's had the air conditioning on! ops:


              • #8
                LMAOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO :lol: :lol: :lol:


                • #9
                  I have never met Huk and am anxious to make a good impression. But not too good as I know gatorhb and fear her wrath.
                  When the hell was Hukliau in Chicago????????? :evil: :evil: :evil:


                  • #10
                    uh oh :roll:


                    • #11
                      Nice report Doe...

                      Speaking of back when the forum was fun, did Huk have his inflatable friend with him or has gator slashed that to smithereens by now ;-)


                      • #12
                        LOL frazier. I had forgotten all about Huk's inflatable friend. I can say with certainty that she didn't make it to the game. But whether she was waiting back at the hotel room for him - I can't say. Business travel can be so lonely.


                        • #13

                          Thanks for the excellent report. Thanks to all the other PSO'ers for the wonderfull poker stories. I had just read a lot of the non-fun posts and was really bummed out until now :lol: :lol:

                          Thank you again, and good luck in the BIG ONE later today.



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