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C.H.A.P.S Part One

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  • C.H.A.P.S Part One

    [PART ONE]

    After a weekend spent in the land of C.H.A.P.S, my vital signs are just starting to stabilize. I can sit up, now, without assistance. And I can type – but only if the keyboard is very, very quiet.


    Every six months I head off to a different location for a Board of Trustees meeting. It is for a very frugal non-profit that insists the Trustees share hotel rooms. My roommate is always Large Marge.

    I have been friends with Large Marge for many years. But even friendship doesn't prevent me from identifying Large Marge as the poster child for loud, rude, New Yorkers. Spending a weekend with Large Marge is like being joined at the hip to a voracious pit bull. Every trip, I try to find a way to escape during non-meeting hours – just for a few precious moments when I don't have to listen to Large Marge berate waiters, ridicule people's fashion sense, or point in disgust at the weight challenged (which never fails to remind me of a $20 hooker eager to call someone else easy).

    After many years of this, I fear my excuses have become more creative, but far less credible. As our meeting draws near, I wonder if she'll believe that I have a landed a violin lesson with the first chair of the Chicago Symphony (maybe I should check to see if they're in town). Or maybe I should just keep it simple and fake a kidney stone – although I'm pretty sure I used that back in '98.

    Oh, who will save me from my doom?

    At What Price Salvation?
    I was just a few weeks away from spending time with the recipient of the National Association of Prison Matrons' "Most Domineering Woman of the Year" award for the years 1996, 2001, and 2003 (the first woman in history to three-peat), when I find salvation in PSO's General Forum.

    Hukilau (former Hawaiian, current Long Islander, final table finisher in the 2002 World Poker Final Championship event, and all around nice guy) has posted a general C.H.A.P.S alert, stating that he will be in Chicago the very weekend I am there.

    For those of you not "in the know," C.H.A.P.S stand for Chicago Area Poker Schoolers – hands down the lunatic fringe of PSO. Although for some reason, ever since last August, every time I hear the word "C.H.A.P.S." it conjurs up an image of Indy Bob riding herd, naked. I think it has something to do with the Mid-American Poker Classic, but since I missed it, I'm not sure why.

    I quickly post my plans. Will C.H.A.P.S ignore this critical mass of visiting out-of-town PSOers – or will they come to our aid. The hours tick by as I wait for salvation. I am saved. JMuzzey sounds the C.H.A.P.S alarm and a tournament is proposed. C.H.A.P.S members and nearby C.H.A.P.S affiliates heed the call – and we have a game.

    I will need a ride to the game. Again I post for help. WildBill is the first to respond. A few days later I phone Bill to solidify our plans. He proposes a Friday night Drink-a-thon with Debonair and Hukilau. Not one – but two – nights without Large Marge! I think this is too good to be true. My instincts prove right as WildBill signs off saying he is looking forward to pulling the old "running out of gas" routine. I suddenly question the wisdom of trading time as Large Marge's prison bitch for a possible night of hide and seek with Wildbill's stick shift.

    Was I about to give up the familiar frying pan for hotter digs?

    C.H.A.P.S. Part Two will reveal the answer to this burning question, along with:

    - Were Debonair and I twins separated at birth?

    - Why was jmuzzey unable to raise it up for 2Hott4U – was it because muzzeyj was watching?

    - Who was hiding behind the shower curtain in Muzzey’s bathroom?

    - Will Zeroth and Stricky team up to find fame as a circus act?

    - Why were eight State Police cars waiting for Wildbill, Skipm and I at the hotel after the game – and how Wildbill ratted me out.

    - The eight most embarrassing PSO quotes from the small blind.

  • #2
    Man, it's just like those TV Batman's, where they leave you in suspense and give you little tidbits to keep you hanging on!

    It's always a joy to read your posts OilDoe. Keep em up!


    PS: Good luck wildbil! :twisted:


    • #3
      Get along little doggy! Yeeehawwww!


      • #4
        As an attendee who knows the meaning of the references to what is coming in Part 2...................

        I can't wait.

        Thanks Doe


        • #5
          Out of the fire into the Wild- frying pan -Bill Hummmmmm.......
          I think I get the drift of what W_B said in his post. Will there be some X-rated pictures for an Adults only website postings.

          Oil (fleetfooted) Doe jumped the fence and escaped Large Marge!!!!!!!!!! Bondage & leather apparel were left behind?

          To Be Continued (I can hardly wait)


          • #6
            shoot amy, i was here and i cant wait to hear the rest fo the story.............excellent write up so far!



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