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Doe does Tunica - Redux

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  • Doe does Tunica - Redux

    The Road Goes on Forever and the Party Never Ends:

    After the 10-hour drive last night, I ate dinner, registered for school, went to bed and slept for 12 hours – sheer heaven. Now to reconstruct Tunica…where do I begin? Guess I'll just have to hit what I remember.

    The 10 hour drive out never seems that long, as just the anticipation of hooking up with friends seems to knock a few hours off. I get into Tunica about 5:00 pm. Unfortunately I am in the check-in line in my ratty driving clothes, glasses with a cracked lens and sans make-up when I meet up with Mark, New Jane and Greagar. Putting a bag over my head, I run up to the room and try for a human transformation before heading down to the reception. I am not disappointed as all my old PSO buddies are there – and so many new buddies to meet. While I'm sure to leave people out, this is who I remember meeting up with – and remember – I did a lot of drinking after that so if I forgot anyone, chalk it up to short term memory loss – wildbill, pokergoddess (in all her glory), win4win, the moron, AZhardballz, the muzzeys, PocketRocket, Ranger Rick, buschman, zipman, Indy Bob (Rudie's arrival still pending), highway1, freddieboy, double eagle, Mayor, TrumpinJoe, Hunter, Dandy_Don, littlemommy and littledaddy, janglefish, easytoplease, shanedog, shane, BartM, zeroth, joybell, TaylorJP, USWeapon, WfnS, torax, todd_21, Rusty-Nail, gladem, 2Hott4u, Hardtimezz, king4play, Bhat, Debonair, NewJane, Sailer Moe, Res Ipsa, DocH, Idoru99, kivy1102, aces_up, lyckoper, gojacketz, oakz, palerider, RiverBoatSlim, sbjensen, Martini, Zadvocate, that_marge, Richie Rich, Astro and ponygee aka spottedpony.

    Pre-game warm-up:
    After the reception we start into hardcore drinking, spearheaded by Astro. Astro, who rarely drinks, makes an exception come tunica time. Can he recreate last year's stellar performance? – 5 beers in 20 minutes – the answer is yes. I have had the opportunity to drink with PocketRocket on many occasions – and I have never seen the boy as hammered as he was that night. He literally stumbles into the main room to play a sat. The rest of the group wanders into the Gold Strike poker room for the annual low limit extravaganza.

    The game:
    Like last year, I do not take a seat, but make myself available for tag team play – spelling another player for pee and smoke breaks. There are 2 tables of PSO 4/8 players. When I sit in for Freddieboy, the dealer asks if he is my husband. As this appears to be the only way I can play for him I answer in the affirmative. When I sit in for Azhardballz – I simply state "another husband." The dealer – only now starting to understand the incestuous nature of PSO looks at me strangely but allows me to play. I really strain my dealer/player relationship when I sit in for pokergoddess. He looks at me expectantly. "We’ve been partners for many years," I say. He sighs and knows he’s in for a long night. During one of my early playing stints, I sit next to pokergoddess who grabs my boob in ritual greeting. This does not escape the notice of PSO instructor John Vorhaus, who has joined in the fray…but that story comes later. The game takes on a new high – and low – when TrumpinJoe and Dandy_Don catch a bad beat jackpot – quad aces vs aces over jacks. This appears to be good news for the table – until they come to find out that the jackpot is split with all the other hold’em tables in the room. They also hold up play on the table for what seems like a good 30 minutes while paperwork is filled out. I think the table players waited over 2 hours for their $49 take. Freddieboy reverts to his natural 9-year-old state at the table – baiting, taunting, and chatting up the players at the table. An incident occurs when IndyBob and Freddieboy get into a hand. Freddieboy takes the pot with a truly beautiful suck-out and proceeds to perform his patented suck-out dance. IndyBob throws out a few choice remarks and ends up getting tagged by the floor. After a fairly heated exchange IndyBob is railed. The lack of sleep, 10 hour drive, and beers are starting to take their toll – and I opt for a few hours of sleep before the PSO seminar –yeah – I'm a wuss.

    After the PSO seminar, players are torn between the wedding, WPO limit HE and the O8 at the Grand. As an Omaholic, I head over to the Grand, knowing that IndyBob and Rudie know my thoughts are with them – and understand poker addictions. After the very long sign-up process, the PSOers grab a bite to eat. With a little time to kill most of the group catch a sat (with unbelievably high juice) – but I decide to kill some time with video poker. I am just playing one coin – the ultimate sin in video poker – but I'm just killing time. But all sinners get punished – and when I hit the royal for my $65 instead of $1000 I pay for my sins. The dealer shortage in Tunica is all-apparent when many of the dealers at the Grand confess to never having dealt Omaha – or tournaments for that matter. Splitting the pot and reading the hands is a long drawn out affair involving mostly the players. Getting 10 hands per level is a struggle. I am at a nice table – but catch very few hands. The dealer situation is so painful I am almost relieved to make my exit – still far from the money. With no PSO money finishers, the Grand contingent heads back to the GS to find many PSOers still vying for money finishes in the limit HE. It was a pleasure to sweat the many talented PSOers and see TrumpinJoe money and Hunter lock in a spot at the final table. By Friday, the ritual all-night poker debates, just outside the main ballroom, are well in hand – tko's and Rick Hard's long awaited arrivals keep me pumped till long after the 2:00am mark.

    I awake to digestion issues (the first day of many) – oh goody. My dash over to the PSO tourney is interrupted by mad dashes to the bathroom. When I end up sitting next to AZ in the tourney – he too confesses to a similar affliction. Instead of debating hands, we set up a series of over/under bets on making it through our blinds before having to sprint to the bathroom. This is complicated by pokermats' ability to spend 15 minutes contemplating a hand – pushing most of the action to the under. I happily bust out early – freeing myself from the blind vs. bathroom conundrum. AZ punishes himself by playing until one off the bubble – but in my book he moneyed in the intestinal fortitude category.

    AZ and I head back to sweat PocketRocket in the WPO O8. When we walk into the ballroom Chip Jett spots us and pops out of his seat like a prairie dog. He runs over to AZ, wraps his leg around him and starts humping him – I guess everyone has a special ritual greeting in Tunica. I only get a hug at this meeting – but later in the day I move into the humped friend category. Chip has 6 drinks in him already (I think its about 2:00pm) and insists that AZ and I play catch-up. He is seated with PocketRocket so we head over to the table to do a double sweat. Chip plays some hands very aggressively and takes down a few pots. He continues drinking and tossing his chips around like confetti – interspersed with loud comments about "snuggling" me. AZ and I decide we might be a bad influence (later verified by the table who attest that Chip had been relatively quiet and passive until our arrival) and we head out into the hallway. I have an errand to run and by the time I get back Chip has busted and kidnapped AZ. I now fear for their lives. I have a few drinks and alternate sweating PocketRocket and doing some quality hallway time. Chip and AZ reappear – worse for wear and with a strip club mission in mind. Knowing that this was a possibility, I had pre-arranged spousal permission – thus locking in the ultimate kitchen pass. I have a car, but not knowing the Memphis area and a few drinks under my belt, I am not volunteering. Up walks a stone cold sober Dean Shores and a designated driver is born. We pile into my 10 year old Mazda – Chip still two fisting drinks – and off we go. It turns out Dean is a frustrated Indy driver and we make it in no time. The club serves beer but also does set-ups if you BYOB. After we get settled at a table, Dean and Chip pop back out for a couple bottles of rum and thankfully some food. And it begins. Chip pops $100 of ones on the table – refilled many times during the evening – so we get much attention throughout our stay. While Chip is catching up with "old friends," AZ and I get a chance to get to meet Dean. Dean is new on the tour, but has already final tabled in 4 major events out of the 8 he has played, finishing 2nd in the all around player competition at the World Poker Finals. Dean, a young ex-marine, is a sharp, fun, well-grounded, kid and AZ and I have another good friend to add to the growing list. I have one drink – but stop there after, as my only hope of getting anyone home alive will be to assume the designated driver duty for the return trip. As discretion is the better part of valor - and what everyone else did is their own business, I will only offer up these personal confessions. Yes, I did get tipped by a stripper. No, I did not take the stage for amateur night. No, I did not have a lap dance – although Chip was gracious enough to offer to buy me many. While my tip did not involve nudity – I can’t, with all honesty, say that there was no nudity on my part during the evening. While it is debatable whether or not there were "happy endings" taking place – I can only say that my happy endings for this trip were 1) everyone lived, 2) alcohol poisoning was only a passing concern, 3) no one was arrested, and 4) the car made it back in much the same state it left. Mission accomplished.

    Another morning of quality time in the ladies room – is this too much information? Luckily there are many PSOers to sweat in the NLHE. And of course the evening ends with ultimate sweaters' dilemma. sbjensen and FreddieBoy are the last remaining PSOers and both go all-in on the bubble at separate tables. Both are vying for the money and the opportunity to make the PSO live tour. Can there be a happy ending? Yes. They both bust and tie for the money. And although there is nothing stipulated about ties in the PSO live tour, I have to believe that the only fair outcome is to grant them both a seat in the live tour finals. After all, they both made the money in the biggest live NLHE field in history.

    Ranger Rick moneys in the Pot Limit Hold’em event and all is good. Relatively close to the felt with 50 players left, I wasn’t sure I liked his chances. But his back-to-back big slicks take down two quick pots and he has a chance. He keeps the heat cranked up and takes down another 3 pots with sets over the next half-hour. He makes it past the first money level and into the next. Nice job buddy. John Pham plays aggressively with and without a stack. I watch a lot of his play today – and quite frankly am amazed that he makes the final table without getting caught at his game. Since we had a large debate about dry pot bluffing I will relate this story – which will make tko happy. The next day at the final table a player goes all-in and is called by both Devilfish and John Pham. The flop brings two diamonds and Pham bets out. Devilfish folds. It turns out that Pham has bet out on the nut flush draw – and is actually behind the all-in player on the flop. Pham's flush hits on the turn, and all is well. Pham wins his second event in a week. More food for thought.

    Well those are just the highlights – or basically what my sleep deprived, alcohol drenched brain still remembers. At last year's WPO I learned to play my hands more aggressively and go for the occasional steal. This year's lesson – play hard – play fast – no fear – no rules. And now for a few miscellaneous categories:

    Special Mention New Friends:
    There were so many new friends and so little time. I was especially glad that I caught some time with USWeapon, WfnS and Dean Shores. Highway1 – didn't realize that you were taking off so early. Between seeing people off in the tourney and a few trips to the ladies room (see indigestion segment above) – I missed your departure. My loss.

    PSO player highlights:
    Congrats to Freddieboy, Rusty-Nail, sbjenson, Hunter, TrumpinJoe, and Ranger Rick for their money finishes. Congrats to all the PSO tourney money finishers – tough structure to maneuver in. Spiegel, wildbill, and pokergoddess – you put up a hell of a fight. Nice job y'all.

    Laugh of the Week:
    You know my daddy? Hood Winters? I’m tired. I need some rest. (guess you had to be there)

    PSO Spirit Award:
    Although new to the PSO fold, instructor John Vorhaus proved he could wallow with the best of us. He might have made honorable mention just for voluntarily sitting in on the 4/8 game – but he clinched the award when upon his departure he grabbed my boob ala pokergoddess stating "this is part of the tradition isn’t it?" Had I been just a little less surprised, I would have grabbed his balls and said, "It was nice to meet you, too." I hate missed opportunities.

  • #2
    LMAO oh what a long strange trip it has been!

    It was great to see you again Amy. Sorry I missed out on the road trip.

    Until next time! :twisted: :twisted: :twisted:


    • #3
      Ahhh, R-Rated Amy. I am going to have to spend the next year thinking of a 'traditional' greeting. Better get a big freakin clue bat. :lol:


      Seeking sponsors for the bail money I am going to need next January......


      • #4
        Dang, once again, I missed the boob grabbing ( well, the one Amy mentioned anyway ... :mrgreen: ) missed the road trip to the nudie bar, missed the stomach flu!

        Great report, Amy!!


        • #5
          Edited because Janey was right (although you could have pm'ed me and told me). I blame it on law school and a convenient bottle of wine. Either that or sheer ignorance (most will pick the latter).

          My apologies for any offended.


          • #6
            At the risk of being flamed for my response, I write it anyway:

            Aaron, sometimes you cross the line...This is one of those times.


            • #7
              New Jane,
              Normally I would agree with you – although in this instance I am inclined to give Aaron a pass here for the following reasons:

              1) He was on full tilt yesterday and his only outlet was to try to degrade another’s existence. Since I already acknowledge my life is a farce, I take no offense at the attempt.

              2) He was obviously jealous that we PSOers were able to bask in the cultural and educational Mecca afforded by strip clubs and poker rooms in the heart of Mississippi swamp lands – while he was forced to contemplate how the recent Homeland Security Acts further erodes the legal landscape and to ponder his future literary contributions.

              3) He is long overdue for his annual PSO hissy fit. While my date in the Hazy Hissy Fit Pool has long passed, I look at his recent posts as confirmation that it might finally be at hand.

              4) While the poker chip reference pales in comparison to other sports paraphernalia related images i.e. ping pong balls, his post does invoke a vivid visual of a lurid human slot machine.

              Bottom Line: My post gives me little room to hold down the moral high ground on this one. I appreciate the support – but I think we're good.



              • #8
                See edited post above. And please know I wasn't trying to degrade anyone's existence, it was my lame attempt at raunchy humor.


                • #9
                  I know that buddy,
                  And I think its pretty obvious from my post that I opened it up for some raunchy retort. All taken in the spirit in which it was given.


                  • #10
                    GROUP HUG.

                    Maybe I was just feeling left out since no one humped my leg or offered me a ride to a strip club! Gettin Old is the ultimate bad beat!!

                    Hazy, you are ok. Well, for a soon to be attorney you are ok. :roll:


                    • #11
                      Since there yet remains a slight chance of getting some humor back in this thread...

                      In the future - might I request that posts such as this be preceded by the following:


                      The following content may be inappropriate for young children and effeminate males.

                      Big ops: Sissy


                      • #12
                        Hello! oil doe!!...Loved your trip report, you guy's really do have a good time down yonder...Off to give your quizz a go and "be" in the Zen Zone ...daisy777


                        • #13
                          doe---Excellent as always. Thank You!!!

                          I am afraid I spent WAYYYY TOOOO much time at the 10-20 and 15-30 games (That's where the money's at) and missed out on a lot of the comradarie.



                          • #14
                            "Doe does Tunica" Sounds very naughty, Amy - but Great report!

                            Really enjoyed it. The next best thing to being there, except for maybe a narrated video - especially of the boob grabbing, leg humping, and strip clubbing times. Oh, yea, that's right - I said narrated, not R-rated. LOL!



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