I watch videos and study everyday, I watch shadow sessions,  I watch others and learn from them etc etc.  But over time, I have come to realise that online poker is just out to get me. I have lost hundreds online and it's the worst feeling ever.  I try to play smart.. and most times I do. But the fish and the donks keep beating me. There's NOTHING I can do to stop it.  I have lost tons of money to the river. I will have the best hand and raise my opponent to show my strenght, but 9/10 they will keep calling me down to the river, no matter how big or small my bets are. And they will hit 9/10 on the river.  

That being said,  I was LUCKY enough to come in 2nd in a 25 cent $100 added last week.  And I admit, it was pure luck that got me that far.  I kept losing good hands as usual to the river and I got short stacked big time.. I think I was under 500 or even 400 chips and had to shove with K 7 off suit..  and I think I was up against aces or something to that nature. And I ended up getting a 7 on the turn and a K on the river.  And from that point on I was just gettin pure lucky and found my way to come in second.        

So, that got my bankroll up to $71 total. Sounds great right?  Well I play 10+ hours a day 7 days a week.  And with that $71 I saw NO profit ever over that. It was all down hill from there..    I tried mixing my games up a bit..  25 cent 45 mans.. 10 cent 45 mans..  $1.40 knockouts..    $1 50/50s   

My bankroll just kept bouncing back and forth, back and forth. Til finally it went down to around $50.  So I started focusing on the 50/50s  sense they were pretty easy to cash in.   I played in 12 or 14,  give or take.  And managed to place in all of those except for 2 which is really good in my opinion..   Well even that didnt really do anything to my bankroll.  It still sat right around 50 like it was already.

So then I started to get really down in the dumps and became determined to get better at 6 man NL ring games..  I found out some really good stratagies that seemed to work for other people, so I tried them on the 1cent 2 cent tables. And it just never worked for me. Was gettin no action, was only able to steal blinds, and then 90% of the time when they called my raises, I would get the worst flops possible for my hand.  Also, everytime I would have a really good hand, they would just call me down to the river and get their miracle card on the river to give them the best hand. That seemed to happen ALOT.  

To me it seems PokerStars is generating hands that will earn Poker Stars more rake..   Either that or I really am cursed!   It feels really impossible to build a bankroll @ any pokersite for me.  If you start micro your roll just goes up a few cents.. down a dollar.. up a few cents.. down a dollar..    *sigh

I really love the community and the home games are a blast.  I really do enjoy and love the game of poker. But this is killing me.  I don't expect to be pro over night.. I don't even expect to be pro in my lifetime. Sure it would be nice. I would love to be that good.   I just want to be PROFITABLE and try to turn this into something positive.. even if its just 100 bucks a month profit.   I know several people who are making $50 in bankroll a day..  or at least $10 a day..