One would imagine that, just a few days into my new challenge, all good intentions of mine might be holding up firm and that I'm well on my way to litte-by-little profit land. Helas, it only took three days to lure me back into bad old habits. As of 20th May, I'm down from $185 to $163.

Not only did I not stay within my bankroll limits: I played a $15 satellite for a $215 ticket with a bankroll of less than $200 (wtf was I thinking?). I also entered a bounty builder $44 sattie for $5.50 that lead straight into a running tournament. Great way to cash the ticket for tournament money... In the end I did win the ticket but was totally card dead from the start of the tournament and busted with a desperate 10 bb all-in.

As an excuse I could say that my wifi was a bit slow those days as I was travelling, which lead me to skip the part of my game selection where I double-check that the tournament start is long enough away for me to cash out the ticket. I could also say that SCOOP got in the way of my plan, as my favorite $215 Sunday Million $1.65 rebuy satellites are currently not available. 

But what's the point of excuses? They only serve one purpose: they keep me in the cosy world of 'Oh, if I just applied myself, I would get there'. Then why, by all means, don't I?

I once read an article about discipline in poker that said something along the lines of 'You just have to work out how much getting there really means to you. If you want to get there more than you want to satisfy your habits, your urges, then you'll find a way'. I certainly want to get there. But do I want it enough? Apparently, in the first two days of my challenge, not yet. What is the way then?

My satellite strategy itself is pretty solid, I think. I had a good success rate with the $2.20 and $4.40 satellites for the $27 SCOOP-52-L main event. I also did quite well with the $2.20 satties for the $11 Sunday Storm. The buy-in to prize ratio in both is very reasonable with roughly 1:12 and 1:5 respectively. On top of that, the low buy-in satellites attract lots of players who don't care enough about the small buy-in to play to win. In relative terms they are a gold mine. 

In absolute terms they are so damn slow... 

I really can't stand the speed at which my bankroll is progressing when I play those games. The hourly rate is so painfully low that I get all itchy and greedy. Which is precisely the reason I keep trying to take short cuts. Getting there faster, with less effort - wouldn't we all like that?

Which leads me straight back to what the guy said about wanting to get there. Apparently, I want to satisfy my greed and impatience more than I want to get there. Simple as that.

So what can I do?

I basically have two options: I can either make a larger deposit so that I can afford the satellites that promise a better hourly rate, or I can grind it out. 

Option 1 is tempting. It promises the comfortable feeling of staying within my bankroll while at the same time satisfying my impatience and greed. Option 2 looks dreadful as I would have to face my demons.

But can option 1 ever work as long as those beasts are still roaming about? I don't think so. It's only a matter of time until they catch up with me and the old vicious circle starts again.

To cut a long story short: I'm taking the dreadful route. I really, really, really do want to get there more than I want to satisfy my habits and urges. So I'll fight my demons and grind it out.

The only problem is there are only very few satellites available at a time that meet my criteria, so to make it somehow bearable I'll add one rule: I allow myself to play bounty builder satellites and zoom tournaments that cost less than 1% of my bankroll. That's as conservative as it gets and should bore my demons to death. 

To be on the safe side, I've blocked myself from all tournaments with buy-ins higher than $5 and, as a precaution, also excluded myself from all casino games. Never know what new tricks my demons might come up with.

I'll keep grinding this way until I reach this months' profit target of $100, that is to a total bankroll of $285 by the end of May. Gulp...

Keep me honest, plz!



Photos (c)