This month has been complete terror. It’s demolished me every step of the way, and crushed my confidence in poker and my motivation. There is so much anger and frustration that I’ve had to be dealing with this entire month, it’s just incredible. I haven’t blogged a lot because it would only contain a wall of text over how unlucky I ran or how bad I played. And honestly; I don’t even know if I’m being unlucky or just putting myself in impossible spots to master?
When I started this month there was motivation and things I wanted to achieve that seemed to be reachable. The first torunament in the Premier Skill League went good… and that was probably it? I ran extremly bad in cash games, torunaments – I wasn’t able to win anything at all. My bankroll would bounce every day from 20 dollar to 1 dollar and back up at the end of the day. I’ve screenshotted my lucky wins and all of the other hands that I unluckly lost. It’s like I’ve been swimming in syrup this entire month, and it has lasted for centuries. Once it started I could barely even motivate myself to log on, to later that night log off with the heaviest weight on my shoulders and an unbelievable feeling in my stomach. I felt like every day was a torture, and what was a complete day felt like JUST a second of eternity.
If I will ever look back on this month with anything else than anger I must be remembering the wrong month. It’s been a great learning experience, however it was tearing alot of ME apart. I’ve been, as I’ve stated in a lot of illustrastions, EXTREMELY FRUSTRATED! Now, let’s talk poker.
The Premier Skill League this month wasn’t a great preformance from my side. The very first torunament I managed to steer my focus and consentration to the correct times. I amazingly didn’t finish any longer than enough to make a few plus points. After that encounter of a great and possibly good month of the league it only went downhill from there. Then on the 13th and 14th I finally plussed in some torunaments and was above 1500 rating again. Only to fall under a week later. From here it’s been a stab at higher places. I only had two final tables this month, but when I won both I played in it was a big plus. The last week of the month was an intense push from my side. I was not sleeping and tried catching some sleep on the bus to school, and all this to save face in the league. There was alot of things that happened, I remember I slept through an entire tournament the last week due to lack of sleep. The last tournament of the month was really interessting because «Romich702» was playing there, and if he won, he would win the entire league. But he didn’t however it was interessting, and I’m as always amazed by Atlantegs performance.
With the horrific start I had of this month a lot of good things compensated nicely at the end. Finishing as number 76th on the leaderboard made the month look a lot cleaner. I also deposited 100 dollars on the 28th, and lost like 40 dollars after a few hours. But then I decided to play some satellites for WCOOP and earned 200 dollars + the 100 I started with. So it’s been fun to finally win some money. And I see that next month I will probably manage to become Silverstar because I have a big enough bankroll to do that now.
To think back of what I’ve just talked about, I remember the small achievements I had during this month. Espescially in Premier Skill League; You have my thoughts pre – during – past, win – top 800 – top 100. I remember saying that I would aim for quality over quantity, but that’s the biggest mistake I could’ve ever done. I think I’ve worked out a tactic better prepared for higher placings next month.
I’ve grown a lot this month, but I also feel like I’ve shrimped in terms of confidence. The only thing that can confirm what I’m feeling now is the next month; and you’ll hear all about that in the next months article. That’s all!