I've been playing in the 4:45 (central time) 1.10 1,000 cap tourney that poker stars offers and I have been having a good result. One day I was the clear front runner and running away with it, when the old me snuck in a made some horrible cals and I walked out of the tourney with 14th place. I cal it BIG STACK ITIS.

The stage was set for me to win my first tourney. I was grinding away knocking people out left and right it was a miracle run that I was on. I called an all in from a stack that was the same size as me about 200,000 chips late in the tournament with AQo.......Bad call right.......I know. I turned over my cards he turned over QQ. I smiled and wiped the sweat from my brow as the flop came down 8s 9c Ah. Instant chip leader. Smooth sailing to the final table I thought. Sitting at the table with 400,000 chips roughly I called an all in from a medium stack about 80,000. I flipped over QTs and flipped AKo I hit my T on the flop and they didn't improve. After that I played my hands that I normally play and I tightened up to make the final table as the 2nd or 3rd stack. I leverage fold equity a little more than I was comfartable with and I was calling all ins more freely and with a wider range than I would. Needless my stack took hits, but not enough to keep me from grinding it up to 600,000 chips. The competition got stiffer and I got slowplayed out of half my stack. I had notes on the player and knew he played any Ace. I was playing KJo and the flop came down A 8 8 I'm thinking fold here, but the min bet my opponent made seemed weak and supicious. Even more reason to fold right. I hadn't had any info on the betting style of the oppenent. I called the min bets and the turn came down another 8. Another min bet from my opponents Alarm BELLS SHOULD BE RINGING SIR......I call.....bad stupid call. The river comes down a J. I make a full house. My oppenents jams into for the rest of his stack. Impulsively exicited about my full house I quick call only to see him flip over a higher full house he played A6o. Looking back if I had jammed him on the flop and jammed him even harder on the turn he would have gone away. Bad play followed by the emotion of wanting to win so badly. I was on tilt and have been ever since. I've been trying to prove to myself that I'm better than that poor decision.

I blown through my bankroll that I was build playing in way more tournament than I could handle with a poor ROI. I left myself struggling to make it back. Even though the bankroll I was using was a feeler bankroll to learn the game more in a real setting. I still feel bad that I've been on this tilt a week or so.

I've decided to go back to school. I'm going to fix the holes in my game play some freeroll tourneys. Before depositing my real bankroll in mid april. For now breaking and playing freerolls trying out different strategies.

I need to clear my head.