For about a year I played for free, and by that I mean I won enough money to play for a year and did not need to put any new money into Poker Stars.  Than in two days I killed my bank role.  My brain left and I kept on playing, expecting to win like I had been just days before.  Hard lesson, don't play when your head is not in the game


I guess we can all find ourselves in that place, playing just to play and forgetting why we are playing.  When your game is off that is when you need to take a step back and go to lower tables, or less expensive tournaments.  Not just throwing money down on games and then not playing them to the best of our abilities.  It was not fun anymore, but just something to do.  I stopped playing for almost 7 months.  I had destroyed not only my bank role but my confidence in two very quick days.  I had to wait until I could afford to lose money, in other words I had to wait until I had enough money to feel comfortable to put a few dollars into Poker Stars again, knowing there was an extremely high probability that I would play until it was gone.  So even if I did win a little it just meant I could play a little longer before I ran out of cash.


I think most of us put money into Poker Stars with the idea in the back of our minds that we could possibly win big if we just played our cards right. And that possibility does exist, but I have to accept the fact that any money I “invest” is never coming back to my bank account.  And I am fine with that, this is my entertainment not my source of income.  I play because I like to play, not because I need to play or make my living from it.

 
So when I had the cash I was comfortable with “losing” I made a deposit and promptly lost half of it in the first day.  I went right back to the games I was playing before I lost my bank role, not the ones I built my bank role up on.  So I had to step back and admit that my game was gone.  I had to relearn how to play at the lower levels and than if I was able to build up my bank role again I just might try the more pricy games again.  I went back and started playing the free tournaments, and discovered that my game was much worse than I had expected.  I have a long road ahead of me to improve my game and build up my confidence again.


I went back to the courses on Poker School and started reading again.  Started using the skills they taught me the first time I read them.  I found out I had developed some very bad poker habits that I knew better than to do.  So instead of playing a bunch of money games I am spending my time on the open poker school games, the depositor free role and the $.10 game for ladies.  I am not trying to beat the other players.  I am trying to improve my standing each time I play.  My goal is to improve my game and try to place.  Once I place then I will think about winning.  But right now placing is the goal and that is my win.


Maybe one day I will be able to build up a bank role again, but until then I play because I like poker.  My challenge, to simply get better at it so I can play more without having to keep putting in more money unless I want to play the depositor free roles.  I wonder how I will do in the next year, and where I will be in my game in the next year.