with the huge amount of losses and number of losing sessions ive had over the last week and a half, i think it's time i just focused on tournaments while sprinkling in some cash games on the side as incentive for my good play. while i was up to $612 on december 3, im now down to $120. and despite what the many good people here have to say about good bankroll management, ive always stuck by the principle that one should play games they want to play with a less intense focus on how much money one has to play in such games. what in the world does that mean? ur probably asking. it means that i refuse to play in cash games below 20 nl/plo/plo8. but now, it would be foolish of me to think i can keep going at this pace, b/c two more bad sessions playing my normal 50 nl/pl and im broke. what i think ive excelled in for awhile now, though, is sit and goes. i have a knack for managaing a stack and draining someone else's. it's like a cash game of all or nothing. since im generally an action junkie, i don't mind approaching the game in this way, but others might, and i feed off this weakness. furthermore, i do fairly well in mtts. and i feed off final tables, usually finishing 1st or 2nd when i get that far. this is where most of my winning has come from anyway, as i've had 5 100 dollar or more scores this year. with all this in mind, i have established a new plan for myself to get back on task and hopefully get my bankroll up to at least the $300 range where i'll feel more comfortable.

therefore, i will embark over the next month in the "250 tourney challenge" that ive invented. my formula is 250 tournaments with every 15th one being an mtt. the other 14 can be any sng with a buyin of $10 or less. the mtt must have a buyin of $20 or less. there aren't enough mtt tourneys with a good format and payout structure where i play, so i meticulously search for ones and only play in these. thus, i will be playing sngs, many of which will probably be any range of headsup formats with some non-turbo 9 max ones. every 30 tournaments that are completed, i will have the option to play in a cash game, but it must be either 20 nl holdem, 20 plo/plo8, or 50 plo/plo8, as omaha is my better game. every 25 tournaments that are completed, i will update my blog by recording my results and maybe reporting on some of the interesting things ive seen from my opponents. the goal is to have a 150% ROI on tourneys and cash games combined. i know in the past ive said i would write about something, then 3 months or more go by and the next thing i write is about something totally different. well, not this tme! it's about time i had some discipline, as i would really like to be doing this professionally soon, but im way far away from that now and i need to just be putting hands in to keep getting better. discipline is something ive struggled with, where i make dumb calls just for the sake of "having fun," or b/c i feel i deserve to win the hand and i make a bad call knowing i will lose. i think this challenge will "robotisize" my brain a bit. it's no time for fun--this is business!

a little personal stuff now--i am a college senior, 3 days away from my 23rd birthday. i feel like i haven't acomplished nearly enough in my life. i lack a lot of social skills, and i often wish the world were a computer so i could be open to communication. in person, i am a complete mess who likes to blend into the background and hide. the anxiety is overwhelming, and ive struggled with it ever since i can remember. i am basically a kid who is hurting deeply inside. i feel like i don't have much to offer the world. poker has been my escape from worrying about myself, but i get very emotional when i lose. it causes me to question whether i should continue. i think this challenge will realy help my psyche a bit by giving me the confidence to break out of my shell and grow up some. i know i don't have a normal life and don't have normal mental functioning, but that's what encourages me to think about poker as a career. i think i could really fit right in!