In my last blog I explained how I ended up making a myriad of mistakes to find myself short-buying at a $2-$5 when I had no business even being in the poker room at all. I didn’t even cover the mistakes I made playing my hands.

My pain is your pleasure (hopefully):

Mistakes #8 through #Infinity – My play itself.

- I called a $20 raise in mid-late position with QJh. There were two callers in front of me already, and I was thinking that it’s exactly the kind of pot I want to be involved in. Again, that’s only if I’m playing with enough chips to fool around. I kinda liked the flop  . The original raiser led for $55, and the player to my right called. It was his first hand at the table, he was 100 years old, and he seemed really confused. I considered shoving, but I wanted to be able to get away from it if I missed the turn.

Again, if I were properly stacked, calling was probably fine, but I wasn’t, so it wasn’t. I likely should have just shoved, since I think that’s the spot I want to be in with a short-buy, but being that I thought I didn’t have enough to ever get anyone who was ahead to fold, I called. Poor. Of course the dude next to me then makes it $200. The 100 year-old dude to my right, then calls all-in. As I listened to the sound of my $75 burning up in the center of the pot, I briefly considered calling, but thought it was way too likely for me to not even have the best draw, so I folded.

I left myself $225 behind. I’m pretty sure I should have just gotten it in. Which isn’t hindsight by the way, since the board, fortunately did brick for me – but not so much for the other two guys. The river came another Ace, making a full house for the man with the set of fives, and QUAD ACES for the 100 year-old man. I felt like I dodged a bullet there. Or two. Or four.

– I limped with this (mistake), and then called a raise with it (mistake) out of position (mistake). “I’m going to hit this hand so hard and get all of it,” I thought.

Ell oh ****ing ell.

Of course when I hit bottom pair on the flop, I had to check/call one street, and then eventually folded.

At this point, I added on another $100 – still putting me in the absolute no-mans land of $300, and leaving myself $80 to my name.

– Somehow I managed to take a few hands off, even though I was already tilting and ready to try to “get lucky.” (See above hand) Then, I picked up pocket tens. There was a straddle on ($10), and I was one off the button. A fellow in middle position raised to $20, and the 100 year-old man to my right called. I wanted to make sure I didn’t play this pot against the whole table, so I made it $65. The original raiser called, and so did 100. The flop came Ace high, which I hated of course. It was checked to me, and I checked – not ready to give up just yet, but I wanted to try to keep the pot small. The original raiser bet $65, and just as I was getting ready to station him, the man to my right called. Last time he called he had a set of aces. I honestly couldn’t fathom what I was ahead of. I the board was , and I had the , and I tried to convince myself there were a lot of backdoor draws I could hit, but eventually realized that was all nonsense and folded. The two then checked it down and the old man showed for the winner. I tilted harder than a pinball machine on the Titantic. “I’m the worst player ever,” I said aloud.

What happened next was me trying to get lucky on the very next hand ( ), being forced to call when I hit bottom pair, and folding on the turn. Getting away with a limp with , missing, and folding. And then, when left with only $220, waking up with in middle position.

– The straddle was on ($10), and I again didn’t want a ton of action, since I was pretty sure I was just going to have to get it in on the flop, so I made it $45 to go. The button called, as did the big blind, and the straddler.

The flop came Jack high ( ). UTG checked, and I shoved for $186. I was pretty sure I had the best hand preflop. The button called fairly quickly, so I was pretty sure that wasn’t the case anymore. Everyone else folded. I figured there was a slight chance I still had the best hand, but I was pretty positive my pairs were still live. The board ran out (straight draw???), then . Ace-queen high. Yay.

“I think you win, sir,” said I. I announced my Ace-Queen and tabled it, and the button slowly showed , and it was oh-so-good. It wasn’t a slow-roll at all, I don’t think, but in my brain I was infuriated and it had me secretly wishing I had tried to shoot an angle – wondering if he would have maybe mucked if I had said “I think I have a straight,” instead Terrible! No! Bad Stapes!

So, that was it. I made so many bad decisions, and walked away looking and feeling stupid, angry, and – because I had spent money I didn’t really have – also hungry.

The Final Mistake – Playing even though I wasn’t having fun. I do not mean to trash east coast poker rooms, but I don’t know how anyone can play there. The people are just so angry. There was so much negative energy at the table. I’m not exactly a huge believer in “feelings” and “energy” but I do believe that when I’m in a bad mood, I play worse. The players are the table were all so bossy, and dickish, and assholey, it really wasn’t fun. Everything was somewhat threatening or passive aggressive. None of it directed toward me, but it was just in the air. I typically don’t like to play when the air is so thick with testosterone and pepperoni aka – testosteroni.

From now on, I’m allergic to testosteroni. Although, I think I do have some cash-advance credit left available on my card….