I thought the following post was meaningful enough that it ought to be part of my blog:

Well, today has been a pretty dismal day for me in terms of poker results, but that doesn't mean it was a useless day.

For one thing, I played 17 SNG's.

In 5 of them, I made mistakes that were obvious to me.

In the other 11, I played as well as I know how to at this time. I was focused, patient, disciplined, and did my very best.

I only cashed in 2 of the games, and only in 2nd and 3rd place, respectively.

So the bottom line is, I lost a chunk of change today.

In the grand scheme of things, that isn't so bad. If I add up all the money I have lost playing poker to date, it still doesn't approach the amount of money I have previously spent on FarmVille. I could have easily spent that amount of money buying fast food lunches several times a week, or lattes and pastries.

The question is -- what do I do now?

One thing seems quite clear: even though I'm playing as well as I know how to at this time, it's not good enough.

I must be either doing things, or not doing things, that are beyond my awareness at this time, and are resulting in my inability to be a profitable or even break-even player.

I'm sure we've all heard the adage that it is insanity to keep doing the same things, and expecting different results.

Right now, I can "afford" to deposit $150 and "properly" bankroll myself to play more $1.50 SNG's.

But I'm not going to.

Why?

Because it makes no logical sense to invest money in an enterprise one already knows is not going to be profitable. It makes no logical sense to continue to play the way I have been, and play, play, play, without taking a major step back to try to sort out what's wrong.

At this moment, I'm not going to go into all the reasons I'm determined to become a good poker player.

But I will say that I am smart, I am stubborn, and I have never in my life taken on something that I really wanted to be good at, and not managed to become good at that thing.

It's clear I'm not a poker prodigy; not a "natural".

But I wasn't a natural at bellydance either, and after 3 years of lessons and hard practice, I am within sight of being able to dance in a prestigious professional company (not just an ad hoc community troupe), and probably will reach that goal before the end of next year. My teachers say you would never know, to see me now, that I hadn't taken dance lessons since childhood; that I had only taken up dancing as an adult.

When I really decide I want to do something, I get it done, one way or another.

So. Is my goal to become a famous live poker player? Not really. First of all, I have a genetic medical condition that makes frequent travel difficult and flares up unpredictably, preventing me from even being able to commit to a "regular" job.

Second of all, I'm not looking to make a huge income. At this point in time, if I could even figure out how to make enough extra cash to help pay for my dance lessons and costumes, that would be great. Since I cannot work, my husband is our sole family earner, and I hate that the entire burden falls on him.

I'm not dreaming of the "big time". I just want to be a modestly profitable player.

I've spent a lot of time over the past few years playing games, and this is the first time I've seen an opportunity to turn a game I enjoy into something potentially useful in terms of contributing to the household income, even if only a small amount.

But after today, I've re-evaluated how I'm going to go about that.

I need to focus more on education and less on playing, playing, playing.

I need to get practice playing, but I will do so in ways that cost as little money as possible while still providing me with a "realistic" play environment (meaning play money games are out -- I'm looking at freerolls and micro-micro stakes games).

I'm going to experiment with some things. I'm going to take some chances. I'm going to learn how to take more pots I'm not entitled to. And I'm sure I'll make some disastrous mistakes in the process.

In conclusion, at this point in time, with so many mistakes looming in my near future as I experiment with various strategies, I believe it is NOT the time to undertake a challenge of playing a certain number of games at a certain level and trying to turn a profit.

So, I'm sorry Cowboy, but I'm abandoning ship in terms of your specific challenge, at least for now.

But that doesn't mean you won't see me in live training. For me, right now, learning is what it's ALL about.

You can be assured that if I'm not at a live training session (that has to do with tournaments, not cash games), it's because I'm either at a dance rehearsal or performance, or I'm incapacitated, or I got the time wrong. :-P

Cheers, and good luck to all my mentors and fellow students!

~Luv