OHHH deary me, I have failed my time vault challenge half way through.   A complete tilt, a rampage on the tables and bad thought's and a way of thinking.

Reason, self intoxication................

I woke up this morning thinking oh no, I blew my challenge.

I considered where I went wrong. ........................ 

 

My first mistake was to play in the PSO games.  I then had the taste for playing the good players.

Do not get me wrong, the PSO games are great, but for someone with such envy has myself , and the wanting to achieve beyond expectation, playing at only 25c sng's, I wanted the higher life.

The higher buy in, the better players mostly.

After playing in some PSO events, I now have confidence issues. I ask myself can I even play?,

I just do not know anymore.

 

Although in the events,  not making any real impact, I was happy with a couple of my plays, that took down the pots or should of took down the pots if it were for not bad luck.

My last event was a 50c buyin, and the team online player XFlixx was in it , WOW , achance to play a pro.

I started the game in great concentration, started to gain chips, then oh no, my aces busted by kings.

I then lost the heart to play, chucked the game away in tilt and annoyance.  I could not pick myself back up after seen my chips dwindle with the aces, I should of had an early chip stack advantage.

I was so gutted, I started so well, I really wanted to play the pro and was shining until the cloud put me into darkness, and the tilt ruled.

 

I of late have played well, but the last few days, I have lost it......

Wanting to impress, wanting to win big, wanting to a have a graph like players such has Sandtrap.

 

My second mistake, looking at players graphs and winnings......envy sets in....

 

I imagined the prize for the time vault has some sort of cadet sponser ship deal, something like a pso badge cadet badge or something like that......this was my incentive to do the goal, although the prize could be anything.

Then I look around the forum and consider my place, the likes of Dave ''Langolier'' and Garethc23 etc, I consider they are not team pro, although they are better than me and kick axx.

 

I consider my dreams are just that, a fallocy created in my own mind, dillusions of granduer.

 

I am just quietly going to slip away into the back ground, but what I am going to do, is forget my dreams, and just do what I enjoy doing, and enjoying is fun.

 

Good luck, I feel sad, it feels a sad day, but I will be happy later, just doing my thing..

 

and maybe one day, I may just dink a big win.

 

BYE...........................