I have discovered that for some reason I value online money far more than real world money, even though online money is still real world money!

Example 1: When I walk into a computer store and see a game for $15 that I might remotely be interested in, I do not hesitate to grab it, because "Hey it looks kind of interesting, I'll play it some day, and it's cheap now". Then it sits on my bookshelf, six months later, still in its shrink-wrap. Meanwhile, Steam is telling me daily about amazing games I am definitely interested in playing that are $10. What do I do? I look at all the critic reviews, find play/UI videos on YouTube, and then add it to my Wishlist until it's on special. Even when the special comes, I think twice if it's a game that's more than $5 or it's been on my wishlist for a while.

Example 2: I frequently buy coffee or lunch at work, usually $10. Yet I can't bring myself to depositing $10 on PokerStars (I had deposited in 2007 and haven't since). Moreover, I deliberate for hours at a time whether I should play in a 25 c SNG. 

What is causing this? Is it the lack of tangibility? Is it a fear of losing? Is it the 'cultural stigma' about gambling? I don't consider poker gambling per se, it requires studying theories, understanding of mathematics, and general ambition and follow-through to be any good. Maybe it's fear of commitment? 

Someone said to me that I might feel more at ease if I just deposit some money, that there'd be less of fear of losing it all with one tournament when I have heaps more in the cashier. I think it's partly true. I have about 26,000 play money and don't hesitate to play a 1,000 buy-in tournament. What's more, I don't feel terrible when I lose the tournament on the first hand. 

I have done all the courses on PSO and frequently review materials and videos but I still feel it's hard going to build my confidence. Every time I am involved in a hand, I can't think of anything else. I don't multi-table, I usually read pages or watch videos while I fold. I have to pause a video if I get to the flop or I can't concentrate.

I watched this interview with nanonoko and the guy plays 24 tables. He's only 25! (maybe 27 now? the video looks old). I don't consider myself dumb, so it is very frustrating to be so behind in the world of poker success.

Another theoretical thing that confuses me is this. Let's say you and I are very into understanding poker theory and doing all the right things. Then we sit at a table full of people who are into playing the right way. Does that reduce the game just to pure card luck? How is it that some people are consistently winning while others can't seem to catch a break? Is it really down to patience and trusting the 'long term' strategy?

Here's the interview with nanonoko, maybe you'll be inspired or just get depressed!