With work over and some time before I went on vacation, I decided to stop by my local casino for one of their nightly $60 tournaments. I got bad vibes pretty early on, as we started almost ten minutes late to wait for late sign-ups, but eventually we start. I’m in seat 3. In seat 1 is this older brown-skinned man who looked familiar, but I couldn’t remember his play style. Seat 5 was a European man seemingly going through a midlife crisis, 7 was a large woman with a ponytail, and 9 was an aging hippie in a BMW cap.

I already see limping from the woman as the 25/50 blind level starts. At first I think I’m going to run away with it, but then I get my first playable hand. It’s folded to me with KTo on the button, and I raise 3x. But both the European and woman are sticky, and they call. With a board of T96, I cbet 300 to price out draws. The European calls anyways, and then on an 8 turn he drinks out 400 into a pot of over 1000. With only top pair on a board with 4 to a straight, I can’t call, and I make a mental note about this player.

I do manage to get a bit back later. It’s limped to me in the big blind, and I check 67o. But bingo! I flop a straight. I decide to bet out in a 4 way pot, and I do get more than one caller. But the turn is a 7, and eventually I get it all in with the Hippie. But he has K6o for the same straight, and we chop it. I also lose a bit more later when I try to raise A4s in the small blind and European and the woman call again. I have to fold on a KK77 board from their betting.

Soon, both the Hippie and Glasses familiar limp (and I recognize the latter’s playstyle - he’s passive preflop and crazy post flop), and I look down at KJo on the button. I raise to 250, but the entire table calls, and we see a 5-way flop of JT9, two diamonds. With top pair+redraw to K-high straight, I bet 80% pot - 1000 into 1250. Only the European and glasses call. The turn is a Q, giving me the straight, and suddenly European drinks out 2000. After glasses folds, I briefly wonder if he was making awful calls with AK, but them decide I’ve committed too much anyways and shove my last 5400 chips or so. European tanks for a good long while, and eventually turns over… Q7dd for top pair+flush draw. So he called with a combo draw on the flop and had to tank when shoved on so small on the turn? I didn’t get it. In any case, he has 9 outs to bust me and 2 to chop, but I dodge them all and double up before the end of the first break, crippling the European. This actually surprised most of the other players - they thought I had AK. I could sort of by that, but if I had AK why would I cbet that flop into so many players?

European shoves his tiny stack blind twice in a row and chops the pot both times, and that’s when seat 4 joins. He’s an older Asian player, but he’s dressed and plays like a younger one - mirrored sunglasses, baseball cap, and very loose playing style indicate that. First hand he raised 10x tug and showed AQo, and later we watch him call a huge raise on an 8-high board, so I at least know he’s no good.. We also get a guy with a big beard and a backwards cap in seat 10, and I later discover he’s a wannabe pro who tilts at players playing bad hands.

The blinds go up, and the European finally busts his short stack. But he immediately goes and rebuys into seat 6. But while I was writing out what happened, I missed a big hand where both glasses and the woman busted to Beard Cap in a 3-way all-in preflop. I can’t even remember what they had. Both players immediately rebut - glasses goes to another table, while the woman takes over his old seat 1. I’m card dead on this 50/100 level though (which is ok because I’m over 100 bbs deep), so all I see is a young guy in a Toronto Bluejays cap buy into seat 8 and the Sunglassed Asian raising 6x utg with KQo.

As the blinds go up again to 75/150, the guy in seat 2 (who I hadn’t even noticed) busted after going all-in on the flop with T9o for top pair to Hippie’s 77 for a flopped set. There was a scare card to a straight on the turn, but the river was a blank. I also watch as European and Bluejays chop a shove on the turn, as both have T9o for a K-high straight. Then, the woman does something stupid. She min raised utg+1 just after European says he’s about to shove his 3400 chips again. Needless to say, he does. The woman tanks for a long while before eventually calling… With T8s! Wow, that was bad! European has AJo - there’s a T on the flop, but an A on the turn and the woman is crippled to 14 big blinds left.

Next hand, the woman shoves her 2150. I look down at KQs, and I think for a while before isolating to 4150. After all, I have plenty of chips, she could be shoving wide after that terrible last hand, and many of these players are way too scared of 3-bets. For a second I think I’ve done the wrong thing when 4 tanks to my 3-bet, and then later 10 does the same, but eventually both fold. I turn over my KQdd as the woman turns over A3o. Everyone at the table is astounded by our hands. “You reraised with K?” I hear several say. There’s a K on the flop, and I bust the woman to bring me to over 14,000 chips. People at the table are conflicted about how I played that hand. Some (like 4) think it was awful, while others (like 10, whose comments implied he folded either QQ or AQ) thought that it was aggressive and a better move than calling. “Nice raise,” he said.

We get a new player in seat 2 - he’s another dark-skinned player with glasses that I’ve seen before, but he has a beard I don’t remember. First hand at the table, he doubles up with a straight, and the last hand before break, he busts the European (the guy’s second bust) when the latter overplayed A6o for a pair of 6s on a 367 board by over shoving it. Beard-glasses called the shove with 44 and hit another straight to get more chips. In any case, after the $10 add-on, I’m just under 17,000 chips at the first break.

We come back to the 100/200 (25 ante) level, and already I see that beard-glasses is one of the biggest calling stations on the planet. Twice he limped with 23o and 25o, called two streets of bets with bottom pair (humming the whole time), then bet out ⅜ pot on the river, once after improving to two pair and once with the same bottom pair. He will also call huge river raises with bottom pair. I actually managed to take a small pot off of him when he limped his small blind against my big, and my Q7o out flopped him and called two small bets from him.

A hand I had A4o in the cutoff gives me some more info - Bluejays donked out less than ¼ pot on a JT7 board after flopping top two pair. He also bet ½ pot on the turn and shoved the river. But then I win two hands in a row, and they go very similarly: AQo/AKo in middle/early position, raise to 500, Sunglassed Asian/Bearded cap call in position/in the big blind respectively. First hand I bet twice on a 7438 rainbow board for A-high - Asian calls once and folds. Second I bet twice on an AQJ8 two spades board for top pair+gutshot draw+Ks blocker - Bearded cap calls once and folds.

Also, the fishy European had rebought a 3rd time into seat 1, and had called an utg 3x raise from Beard-Glasses (which set off alarms as he had just been calling before). Flop was J9x, European donk-shoves his 98o, Beard-Glasses busts him with JJ for top set. We get a new player in seat 6 - a fat young guy with a goatee, sunglasses, and a neon orange golf shirt.

Blinds go up to 150/300 (25), and I notice that seat 5 (who I don’t even remember joining) and Bluejays seem tight, while Beard-Cap is the type who will yell at fish for playing bad hands and then limp the next hand. I’m card dead for a while, but we get an old guy in a Fila shirt in seat 1. The big stack is the Hippie, while sunglasses Asian has limped off a lot and is now down to 20bb, as is 5. I try to see flops with speculative hands with 98s and 22, but the latter whiffs and the former faces aggression in a 4-way pot on a Q85 board, so they go in the muck. Fila also likes to bet out when it’s checked to him post flop, regardless of the number of players in the pot.

We go up to 200/400 (50), and I try to set-mine once more with and whiff on a KJT two hearts board. But the same hand, Humming Beard-glasses bets out, Bluejays min raises, and hummer calls. Bluejays then shoved the J turn with KQ, which Hummer tank-calls with QT. 2 river lets Bluejays double up. Hummer proceeds to bust over the next two hands - he limped utg and called a raise from Fila in the big blind. On a 33J board, Fila almost-shoves (leaving 600 chips behind) before getting the rest in on the K turn, which Hummer calls. Hummer had flopped trips with A3, but Fila turned a full house with KK. A crippled Hummer then shoves 23o utg the next hand and loses to KTs.

Also, Sunglassed Asian, with only 6bb left, raised to 2.5x utg with 77 and still doubled up with a set. The hand after, Sunglassed Asian gets it in preflop against seat 5 and the Hippie. They had 33, A8o and 77. Board runs out 532TQ, more than doubling up Sunglasses and busting 5. Just before the next level, there are two new players. Seat 2 is a familiar bald grinder with some sort of accent that I’ve played against before. But 7… Oh boy. We’ll get to him later, but just know that he’s balding with a goatee, he limped utg the first hand with KJo, and I will later call him “Maniac.”

We get to 400/800 level, and once again, all I play is 55, which I set-mine with and whiff. But there are several busts - first, Neon Golf shirt doubles up AKo > A2o of Hippie on an A44 board, crippling the LAG hippie to 1bb and busting him 94o < 99 of Maniac next hand. Then Golf shirt raised to 2200 utg, gets called by Sunglassed Asian, who is now loose-passive instead of aggressive. On a K-high flop, Asian overplays his K8o and busts to Golf shirt’s Aces. We’re down to 20 players, and I go to the next break with just 17,400 chips.

Our new players after the break include a younger, balder Asian with glasses and piercings but no cap in seat 4, an awkward-looking baby-face in seat 5, and an unshaven tanned man in seat 9. A total of 56 players registered, paying out the final 6 with a top prize of $800 plus a tournament ticket. But busts keep happening - tanned 3bet shoved 9bb deep with K3s and busted to my own AKo, bringing me over 25,000 chips. And then maniac busts a couple: first, he limped to open with 89o, got raised by beard-cap with JTo, who proceeded to overplay J-high+back door flush draw. Maniac called with nothing and then a turned 9. Second, maniac limped with 65o, bet out on a 985 flop, then got raised by Fila. Maniac tanks before shoving his bottom pair+gutshot draw and gets snap-called by Fila’s 98o for top two pair. Turn is a blank, but river is the case 7 and Maniac gets even more chips while crippling Fila.

Then Bluejays chops one with Young Asian, as the former limps with A7o, the latter calls with A7o, and they get it all in on an A86 board. Then I get another hand with 88 in the hijack. I raise to 2000 and get called by the blinds: Golf shirt and Maniac, who both have huge stacks. But the board is a very dry K73, and so I cbet 3300 when they both check and take it down. The last hand, Young Asian limps utg and folds to a raise of 2500 by baby-face, who’s been both tight and deep-voiced.

When we get to the 600/1200 (200) level, I suddenly get foreshadowing as to what’s going to happen later when Maniac open-shoved more than 20bb utg. Bluejays tanks before calling with 77, revealing Maniac to have 33. But a 3 on the flop busts Bluejays. I also see Baby-face take a huge pot from Asian by 3-betting and c-betting, followed by Asian donk-over shoving a 984 flop.

Then it starts. I get 65s utg, and because I haven’t played recently, I min raise utg. Then Maniac over shoves on me and I have to fold. Soon after, Maniac cold-calls a 3-bet shove from a short-stacked Fila AND a 4-bet reshove from Golf shirt with K8o for a big chunk of his stack, one of the worst plays I’ve ever seen. He’s dominated by Fila’s KK and Golf shirt’s QQ. But there’s the last K on the flop, doubling up Fila but giving Maniac the side pot as he busts Golf shirt and keeps a huge stack.

The blinds go up to 800/1600, and that’s when it starts for real - he’s over shoving to open over 40bb deep literally every single hand. Worse, he’s shown a variety of hands after he does this, from 33 to 77 to KTo to 37o. He just won’t stop, and very rarely gets called. He lets us know what he’s doing: “I got a call from work an hour ago to go do some overtime work. I’m trying to donate my chips.” But that’s literally the worst way to do it! At first, we think we might get some - bald grinder doubles up with JTo > J6o. But everyone’s such a nit that no one else is calling. Even when Asian gets AJs in the big blind with just about 15bb left, he folds. I had A4s that hand and considered calling, but still didn’t. I’m totally card dead, and now below 10bb.

His over shoves every hand continue, and we see that he’s not donating anything. Maniac’s 55 eventually gets called by Asian’s ATo. A flop! T turn! And 5 river, busting the kid. Bald grinder calls again, this time with AJs! He’s ahead of 53o… Which flops two pair and rivers a full house and busts another.

This puts as at the final table, but I’m easily the shortest stack at the table. I get seat 2, and the Maniac is 4. I’m super-desperate, and so after Maniac shoves over the new players a couple of times, I shove my last 7bb with K3o on the button. Of course Maniac snap-calls, but he has K2o and we chop. But he’s finally losing, as baby-face doubles up with JJ against his A2o.

Then with my 7.5bb, I look down at AQo and snap-shove. Maniac says, “Wow, that must be a monster! I better call,” and flips over KTo. Board runs out 3JT95, sweat straight doesn't come, I’m out in 10th. As I leave, the guy is still doing it, shoving J2s, getting snapped by KK, and turning a flush.

I still can’t believe a guy like this. We even asked him, “Why do this? Why not just sit out and collect your winnings the next day? You’re guaranteed a money spot.”

He just responded with, “I can’t. I live in a town three hours over and won’t have an opportunity to come back and collect. Please call and take my chips.” We did and he took ours.

This wasn’t live poker. This wasn't online low-stakes poker. This wasn’t online micro stakes poker. This wasn’t even online free roll poker. It was straight-out online PLAYMONEY poker. I still can't wrap my head around it. But there really wasn’t anything else I could do, unless you guys approve of calling with hands like 97o.

But that’s it. Christxof out.