12:51 am 14/03/2014 (H)

 

 

She was my lucky charm and undoubtedly my better half. She raised the bar and set a standard so high that even after 4 years today I'm still single. My depression tore us apart, I voiced out so much of negativity that I drove her away. She was my world, my universe ...

I dont know why I'm writing about her today,too late, but she was one of the people who brought me luck in poker. I'd listen to our song, sometimes on repeat, during my live games and would win healthy pots when the song was playing, co incidence ? maybe , maybe not ...

I took her to the amusement park once and we took all rides, I remember her clutching so tightly to me on fast rides, those temporary nail scars I'll never forget ...

I was totally totally depressed and she didn't know what to do with me, I was, too negative, hating on life, wasting my time, she left and moved on rather too quickly, got married 6 months after we broke up.

The shock of her marrige killed me from inside, it was too painful ...

One of the reasons I'm writing this is so that people understand that when their partners are going through depression, it is up to them to step up, be supportive and let the bad times pass by. Being bipolar I battle with automatic depression triggered by certain factors on a yearly basis, depression is not PERMANENT !!! Your partner will recover, give him/her time ...

When I look back at myself at the time we broke up, I dont blame her for leaving me, hell I didnt feel like I wanted to be with me, I had flunked an exam, lost my jobs and then I lost her ... my life hit rock bottom, or so I thought, till I was admitted in a psych ward for a month, I think I went more nuts in there than I was when I was at home but anyways

Everytime I come out of depression, I go into elation (Mania) , I feel so energetic, my mind races and I feel like the king of the world. There's nothing undoable or unacheiveable for me in that phase, or so I think ...

We are naive when we are young, and we do the most innocent of things, I made her a power point presentation, all about her, titled 'MY WORLD' with lots of our and her pictures in it. Seeing that presentation just an hour ago brought tears of happiness to my eyes, as I remembered the good times I had with her ... 

She brought out the best in me for so long, my A game, keeping her happy was the one thing I was really good at, I'd pick up dinner everyday and meet her at her door steps as soon as she got off work, we'd eat and talk, sit in the garden by the moonlight in the sea breeze.

She was drinking water once and I said something to pull her leg, she immidiately squirted the water from her mouth on me

2:05 PM 15/03/2014 (H)

I guess what I'm trying to say is I miss her, her absence has left a void in me that I fill with work or poker, and I enjoy both dearly. i wish her happiness in life and pray to God I find someone even better

Thanks for reading, Good luck in your games